Annoying The Cullen's
by lighted-sky
Summary: It was a normal day at the Cullen household, when out of nowhere a strange girl appears, who knows them all by name and exactly what to say to annoy and embarrass them. It includes all the Cullen's, Bella, and Jacob.  Bella is still human  R and R!
1. Chapter 1

The summer breeze was rustling the trees in the Cullen's backyard. The rare sunlight poured in through the windows in their house, where the Cullen family and Bella lounged on the couch. There was a peaceful silence throughout the whole house when suddenly a loud thump was heard from upstairs, followed by a distinct "Ow".

They all looked at each other in surprise and fright. Who could it be? Edward stood protectively in front of Bella. The vampires heard a human heartbeat and soft footsteps coming down the wooden staircase. Alice held her head in her small hands and faced the living room doorway with a confused look.

A girl about fourteen years old walked into the room gasping at the sight before her. She had long straight brown hair, dark brown eyes framed with long lashes, and was wearing jean shorts, a purple tank top, and black converse. She was average height and overall very pretty. A small gasp left her mouth as she took in the sight before her.

**AllisonPOV(that's the girl that suddenly appeared at the Cullen house ;)**

"OW!" I fell with force on the hardwood floor, shutting my eyes as I felt the pain spread through my butt. What the heck? I looked around and saw that I was in a hallway leading to a staircase. Where am I?

I had been with my friends just a few seconds ago. It was summer vacation and my best friend Cammie and I were camping. I was reading my favorite book ever called twilight in my tent when suddenly I fell on my butt and found myself here.

Cautiously I walked down the stairs and toward the only doorway down there. As soon as I walked in I gasped and my eyes widened. Ohmyedwardcullen! There in front of me stood my favorite people of all time. I had read their stories at least 60 times and now I'm here standing right in front of them! The Cullen's! and Bella! Suddenly a new though occurred to me. Oh no! Crap! I finally lost it. Yup I am officially cukoo. My friends kept telling me that this would happen eventually. They had even diagnosed me with Obsessive Cullen Disorder! I finally snapped, but if I had then I might as well enjoy it. YAY! A large grin filled my face, while they still looked at me like I was crazy, which I probably was. I looked towards Emmett, the most awesomest person ever!

"Emmy bear!" I yelled and ran into his arms. I hugged him tightly while everyone stared at me. Rosalie's eyes looked like they were about to pop out of her head! "Hey Rose!" I didn't bother hugging her. I was very fond of my arms, thank you very much, and did not want them ripped off. "Esme! It's so great to meet you!" I hugged her too. Afterward, I quickly turned to Alice. " I love your outfit!" I said excited then hugged her as well.

Jasper stood next to Alice with a wary expression. I smiled widely showing of my awesome pearly white smile. I hugged him as tight as my weak human strength would let me. I let him go while looking toward Carlisle, "You are the best doc ever!"

I looked at Bella sitting on the couch with a confused expression, "Bella you are so lucky to have Edward as your boyfriend!" I said excitedly, "I had a major crush on him for the longest time and if I could have I so would have stalked him, but you to are meant to be!" As soon as I finished my rant I hugged both of them at the same time.

Finally done with the introductions, I stepped back. All of them were staring at me with their mouths hanging open and looked terribly confused. Emmett was the first to respond after that.

"Emmy bear?" he questioned


	2. Chapter 2

**Allison POV(will mostly be her pov, but if you want it in someone else's tell me)**

After spending the most BORING afternoon of my life explaining that I was from a weirdo world where they all existed in books (they officially thought I was crazy; join the club.) they finally got it through their thick skulls that I had no freakin idea of how I got there! Things took a turn for the worst however when they all went hunting and Edward went to do the creepy thing and watch Bella sleep. They ditched me alone at their house!

I personally think they should have known better than to do that. Who leaves a perfectly good house in the hands of moi? (French for me! I am so smart!) I decided to have some fun while they were away. So like any normal person would I got boxers from Edward's room and put them on over my shorts. Then I put on some fluffy socks that caused you to slide really easily on the floor. Lastly, I grabbed a hairbrush and put on some music.

The loud blast from Beyonce's Crazy in Love came on. Since I am so awesome and had not ever taken dance class I knew how to dance like a complete dork! I was in the middle of attempting to 'shake yo booty like no one's biness' as my friend once said when terribly rude laughter interrupted my wicked dance moves.

All the Cullen's were staring at me and laughing while Emmett and Alice were on the floor trying to talk through their loud laughs.

"You looked so ridiculous!" Alice managed to gasp out in between laughter. I narrowed my eyes at her and glared. How dare she call my astounding dance moves such a hideous word? _Ridiculous! _Suddenly an idea occurred to me. After many people became so twiobsessed they posted stuff online. Like the lists on how to annoy the Cullen's! I was nowhere near as obsessed as those people, but I memorized all of it! Take that people who thought I had short term memory loss! Just because I don't remember your name doesn't mean I don't remember other things. Such as things that will always truly matter in this world, like twilight. Any ways, back to the lists. This was the most ingenious plan I have ever come up with!

PERFECT! PERFECT! MUAHAHAHAHA!

"Um. . . Allison?Are you alright dear?" I turned toward Esme.

I put an innocent smile on my face and widened my eyes. "Of course! Why wouldn't I be?" They glanced at me warily, shrugged, and went about their business. A large grin filled my face. (picture that creepy smile the Grinch had when he got an idea on the cartoon version) They had no idea what was going to happen. muahahahaha. Muahahahaha! MUAHAHAHAHA!

Suddenly Rosalie came into the living room were I still stood in just my tank top and boxers. "Allison! Stop laughing like a creep and go to sleep!"


	3. Chapter 3

**Allison POV**

I was so manically evily smart that the plan was still forming in my head while I was sleeping! How much better could you get? I was dreaming of their hilarious reactions when loud annoying chirping woke me up.

"Ugh. What the heck? It should be cloudy and thundering with absolutely no birds chirping! What is Forks coming to! No! NO!" I gave a last dramatic cry and fell to a heap at the foot of my bed AKA the Cullen's guest room.

"uh. . . Allison?" a soft voice made me look up. There stood Bella by the doorway.

"How terribly rude of me! Come in Bells. I hope we get to be really close friends!" I was so happy to talk to her for the first time with no Edward stalking her every move. I mean, don't get me wrong, who wouldn't love being stalked by Edward? but some times a girl needs her space, and besides, maybe she'll introduce me to Jacob! *wink wink*

"What can I do for you?" I asked.

"Well, I was wondering if you would mind going with me to La Push to visit Jake. It would make the Cullen's feel better if I didn't go alone," she said. JACKPOT! I was finally going to see Jacob's gazillian abb muscles live and in person! I held in my fangirl squeals and answered in a very business like fashion. "I would be delighted to."

"Thanks for doing this," she got up and left. I quickly got up and was attacked by an evil pixie with a curling iron and tons of clothes.

"Not so fast Allison," she gave me a scary look as she stepped closer to me. I stepped back and contemplated jumping out the window. It couldn't be that bad. I heard Alice gasp and Edwards loud laugh from downstairs.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," he yelled.

I groaned in defeat as the horrible pixie began her torture. After trying on thousands of outfits. She finally chose a short navy blue summer dress and gold gladiator sandals. I could not believe it took that long for one freakin outfit! I went downstairs and received wolf whistles from Emmett.

"Getting busy today Allison?" he asked wiggling his eyebrows. There was a loud smack echoing through the room as Rose slapped Emmett upside the head. He fell to floor clutching his head with a bewildered expression. I smirked. HA! That's what you get! Edward snickered from the couch grinning up at me. Sigh. . . He crooked an eyebrow in my direction chuckling. _Shut up!_ I yelled in my head. I raised my hand to give him the finger, but Esme's watchful eyes saw everything. She gave me a warning look and I sulked to the kitchen with some of my dignity still intact.

After a delicious breakfast prepared by Esme I went with Bella to La Push! I hope I don't faint like at that concert I went to. That was embarrassing.

"You'll really like Jake. He's a great friend to have." Bella pulled up to his house and as soon as she parked, he came out. We both got out of the truck and walked towards him. He pulled Bella in for a hug. Then she turned towards me. "Jake this is Allison, my friend from Forks." He reached his hand out to shake, but I'm more of a hug person, if you haven't noticed yet. After the hug, which was, in three words AH-MA-ZING!( those abs are so real) I finally spoke.

"It's great to meet you! Where are Sam and the other wolves? Will I get to meet them? I hope so. My friend had the biggest crush on Seth it wasn't even funny!Can you carry me on your back as a wolf? That would be so cool! " I finally chose to breath and looked up at him. He was tall and . . . surprised.

"How do you know about the wolves?" he asked glancing at Bella. I sighed and told him the very boring story of how they were all from books. He didn't believe me either! It wasn't that damn difficult to believe you came from books! I wouldn't find it strange at all.

I did get to meet the pack and Jake and I became really close friends. He was hang to hang around with and tease. He even agreed to help me with my evil plan! I gave him a list of things I would need and he was going to drop them off in the afternoon when Part Alice of my plan would begin. That's right Part Alice. Did I stutter? Thought not.


	4. Chapter 4

**Allison Pov**

Today was the day. Part Alice would commence. Just as soon as Jake gets me the supplies I need. I waited out by the driveway. Where the heck was he? Suddenly I heard a growl off to the side. Being me, I walked towards it. A large wolf came out, with a backpack? WTF! Suddenly it transformed into Jake! Good thing I was still a few yards away.

"AAAHH! My eyes! Put on some flippin clothes on!" I yelled backing up and covering my eyes with my arm. I tripped of course, but instead of landing on the floor, cold arms grasped me tightly. I looked up to see Emmett laughing at me . . . again.

"Told you!" he said loudly, "I knew you were gonna get busy with that outfit on!" I blushed like a freakin tomato and pushed him away.

"Jake please tell me you have clothes on now," I sighed turning to him with my eyes closed. "Yup, sorry." I opened my eyes and saw the bag in his hands. Suddenly my creepy grin came back. Both guys stared at me with some fright. I grabbed Jake's hand a dragged him towards the backyard. "Bye Emmett!" I yelled. Emmett looked confused for a while, before shrugging and walking into the house.

I planned everything out in my head. Alice would never see this coming as long as I had Jake with me. It would be a blind spot! PERFECT! We had everything we needed especially the camera. I was going to document this and treasure it forever!

_**Step 1:**_

Jake followed me into the house after we quietly discussed what I was going to do. He would be, the shirtless awesome cameraman, as he put it. I saw Alice flipping through a magazine on the couch. I sat nest to her.

"So, Alice," I turned to look at her, "Want to go shopping?" She jumped out of her seat and brought her purse down from her room, smiling at me. I grabbed the purse and pulled out her wallet. Even though I was younger then her I was still taller. I smirked at her. "Jump for it." She looked at me in shock, but then got a determined look on her face. She scrunched up her nose and jumped as high as she could. Which wasn't very high. She kept trying to jump higher but it just wasn't working! This was like the time I was trying to play the Rock Band guitar and it wasn't working because there was no remote plugged in. I doubled over laughing and dropped the wallet. Jake was laughing just as bad and dropped the camera. That would be edited out.

_**Step 2:**_

After she had calmed down I finally got to apologize. "I'm sorry Alice," I winked at Jake who was still recording, "Did you know that if you were just a few centimeters shorter you could legally be a midget?" She got really still and had a deathly look on her face. I looked at Jake and we ran out the house screaming while Alice chased us swinging her purse around like a scary old lady.

_**Step 3:**_

"Jake?" I yelled from inside my bathroom, "does this look trashy enough?" I walked out wearing a super short skirt and tight tank top. His eyes bulged out and he looked away.

"Yeah," he murmured, "That'll work." I went downstairs after making sure only Alice was there. I would never be caught dead wearing this by anyone else. I would be teased for life! Especially by Emmett. *shudder*

"Hey Alice you like my new look?" I turned in a circle in front of her, "I was trying to dress like you." She glared at me and I ran back up to my room.

I looked at Jake when he walked in with the camera. "That wasn't very amusing. Who came up with; wear the trashiest clothes possible. That's something that needs to be fixed on that list."

_**Step 4:**_

"Where did you get this straight jacket?" I held up the item in question eyeing it cautiously. He smirked, "I know people."

"Okaaaay," I gave the straight jacket to Jake, "I'm not strong enough to hold her down so you're going to have to do it. I'll be the awesome cameraman person." I held the camera in my hand.

"You do realize that that job entitles you to be shirtless," he looked pointedly at me. I smacked him on the arm and went to find Alice. She was still sitting in the living room.

"Okay," I took a deep breath, "On the count of three you grab her.1…2…3! GO! GO! GO!" I yelled. He tied her up while she squirmed around trying to get away.

"Allison-" I cut her off, "You need to go back to the loony bin!" I screamed before jumping into Jake's arms and running away. . . .again.

_**Step 5:**_

It was a perfect time for this. The sun was shining brightly in the sky and Alice was about to go on her hunt. I signaled to Jake to hide in the trees and film this. He nodded and walked away. Alice began sparkling as soon as she was in the sun. I ran out of the house like a crazy person and fell onto the floor in a heap.

"I'm melting! I'm melting!" I twitched and squirmed on the floor, "MELTING!" I made my eyes go cross eyes and stopped moving all together. Alice stood gaping at me and then after lightly nudging me with her foot ran into the trees.

_**Step 6:**_

Jake was inside capturing this on film hiding by from my bedroom window . . . okay that sounded weird . . . Anyways, Alice was just coming back from her hunt and I was waiting at the doorway with the backpack of evil! I held the items in my hand ready to throw. She walked in, an unsuspecting victim.

I pelted her with cloves of garlic while laughing.

"MUAHAHAHA! MUAHAHAHAHA!" She tried blocking them, but I kept throwing them… at least until it ran out. . . Crap. . .

"Run for it Jake!" I ran outside.

_**Step 7:**_

We were hiding in the trees away from Alice. "Okay we need to figure out a way to sneak up on her," I put my thinking face on.

"Do you have to go to the bathroom?" I looked at Jake confused.

"What the coconut monkeys are you talking about?"

"Your face," he said, "I thought you had to go do your business."

I finally got what he meant, "You Jerk! That was my thinking face!" He muttered under his breath, "could of fooled me," and I was ready to punch him! A loud gasp saved Jake . . . for now. . .

I saw Alice standing out on the deck having a vision. Yes! Everything was falling right into the plan in my head. I walked up to her and poked her shoulder. She turned around a bit dazed.

"I get that look," I said completely serious, "It happens to me before I turn into spiderwoman." She looked at me like I was growing a third head.

"So, are your spidey senses tingling?"

_**Step 8:**_

"Allison," she said with a sigh, "you are the weirdest human I have ever met. Stranger than Bella! and that's saying something!" she started walking away so I began the next phase of the plan.

I tripped her.

She fell flat on her face. As she stood the wooden dock squeeked in protest. Possibly having to do with the rock hard vamp that just fell on it.

"Since you see the future, did you see that coming?"

_**Step 9:**_

I followed her inside while Jacob left his spot from behind the tree and hid in a bush below the window.

"What will I be doing in five minutes?" I asked skipping with her into the kitchen.

"I don't know. I only see the decisions you make, but something's blocking me," she narrowed her eyes in my direction. I pretended to be oblivious and began making a smoothie. Stuffing whatever I found into the blender.

After about ten minutes I looked u from the gunk in the blender. "What will I be doing in five minutes?"

"I already answered that question Allison," she rolled her eyes and looked down at her laptop.

After another ten minutes; "What will I be doing in ten minutes now?"

"I told you. I don't know."

The next ten minutes; What will I be doing in ten minutes now?"

"FOR THE LAST TIME! I DON'T HAVE A FREAKIN' CLUE!" she stormed out of the kitchen as Esme came in with wide eyes.

"What was that about?"

I answered, walking to my room, "I think all the stress of her visions finally made her snap."

_**Step 10:**_

"So will that do it?" asked Jake staring at the computer screen intently. I looked at the dozens of application forms for the position of speaker on psychic hotlines one last time before clicking send.

We heard Alice shriek from downstairs. I put my feet up on my desk. No one calls my dance moves ridiculous.


	5. Chapter 5

**Allison POV**

I stared up at the ceiling. There was nothing to do and it was cloudy and finally raining outside after a whole sunny week. The bad thing about this was that I was stuck in the house with just Esme and sometimes Carlisle; depending on his work. Let me give you some advice, just in case you get stuck with them, they are very boring! I miss Emmett and Jake. . .

"JAKE!"I gasped. I had to get him back for making fun of my thinking face. It was an awesome face! Doesn't look like I have to go to the bathroom at all! The nerve of some werewolves.

I had to come up with an awesome plan. Suddenly I had a beyond brilliant idea. It was so smart that a light bulb should have gone off on top of my head! I wonder if I could someone to make one for me, since I'm having all these awesome ideas. Speaking of ideas. Jake was going to be so sorry for messing with me. But first, I have to get to La Push and get the things I need. I still had the backpack of evil. Sadly, though, it was empty.

I walked into the living room, where Esme was looking at color pallets for a new guest room.

"Esme?" she looked up and smiled widely.

"Allison! You look beautiful," she looked at the outfit Alice forced me to wear. Even though it's raining cats and dogs out side, she made me wear a skirt with pink flowers and a beige ruffly tank. She was now allowed to dress me up so, according to her, "You can earn my forgiveness for the terribly annoying things you and Jake did." That evil pixie. Grrrrrr.

"Thanks Esme," I sat down next to her on the couch, "I was wondering if I would be able to go to La Push for today, since all the kids are at school and there's no one to keep me company." I made my face go into a devastatingly sad look. I was on the verge of tears.

"Oh of course Allison. But I won't be able to take you," she frowned.

"Jake can get me Esme," I smiled. Actually Jake was currently in school, but she didn't need to know that. I wanted to get the supplies necessary to get my well needed REVENGE! Muahahaha!

Esme agreed and I quickly put on my jacket and grabbed … not the back pack of evil because Alice forbid me from going near the "ugly last decade" back pack and gave me … the purse of evil! It was actually very pretty and would fit everything. I put on my diamond ring that Rose got me for "putting Alice in her place" and I walked out of the house with my umbrella and began walking to La Push.

Okay so it wasn't one of my smartest ideas especially with $300 pumps on. Curse you Evil Pixie! I opened my umbrella and began my very long walk to La Push. But of course with my luck it became way shorter than I expected! YES!

Paul saw me walking and gave me ride! At first he laughed at me because I was walking in heels and was wearing a skirt. I usually wore jeans and t-shirts. Of course I shut him up with the threat of a crow bar and baseball bat.

"So why are you on your way to La Push?"

"I need to destroy Jacobs hopes and dreams! My thirst for revenge will not be quenched until he apologizes for making fun of my thinking face! Muahahaha! MUAHAHAHA!"

Paul leaned away and looked at me like everyone else did. I am not crazy!

"So," I turned in my seat, "Wanna help me?"

He thought for a minute, "Sure," he grinned, "This is going to be fun! What do we do first?"

"Well first we need to get a few things from any craft store. Then the plan will commence." He drove into a small parking lot and opened his door. I got out and handed him the camera. "You need to record everything we do." He turned it on as we went into the store. I turned toward the camera, "We are currently gathering our supplies to annoy Jacob Black. Who will, from here on, be referred to as the target."

I grabbed a quarter from my purse of evil and bought a cheap fake ring. Just needed a few more things now.

"What's that?" he asked taking the ring and putting it on his left ring finger.

"Take that off! It's for part of my master plan!" I reached for his hand and tried to take it off. It was stuck. I pulled harder and accidently knocked over a whole shelf of glue. But the ring still wouldn't come off! I glared at Paul. "You just had to put the ring on didn't u!" I grabbed the ring and pulled again. Glitter was knocked from the shelves and poured all over us. "Alice will kill you for ruining this outfit!"

"It's not coming off! Just leave it! Your gonna pull my finger off!" Paul ran away from me running into a short mean old man with a tag on his shirt that said, MANAGER.

After that incident we were kicked out by the crappy manager saying that was the best glitter and was super expensive. Big deal that glitter barely sparkled. If he wanted to see something really sparkly he should check out the vamps at the Cullen house.

We managed to sneak back into the store after I found out there was no other craft store close enough. Paul, being the crybaby he was, didn't want to get in trouble. You know what I had to say to that?

Tough Noodles!

Paul and I made our way to the calendars at the back of the store when suddenly he yanked me back. He cursed under his breath as he looked at a young girl that was kissing a boy. They were blocking the way to the calendars.

"That's my ex girlfriend," he whispered still staring at the couple that were playing tonsil hockey, "She already has a boyfriend? We broke up two days ago!" I thought about it for a second before responding. I knew I was going to regret this.

"So do you," he looked at me, confused. I sighed and grabbed his hand. Linking our fingers, "I can't believe I'm doing this for your sorry ass. You owe me," I whispered. The camera was still tuned on, so he put it on the shelf out looking the aisle. We made our way to the calendars. He smiled widely and we pretended to look at the calendars in front of us while the spit swappers blocked the ones I needed.

"Paul?" a high squeaky voice called. We turned around our hands still linked and one of the calendars in his hand.

"Oh hey Lisa," he glanced at the guy next to her, "didn't even see you there." I snickered behind his shoulder. She glared at me. Oh no she didn't! I glared back and put my hand on Paul's shoulder when she suddenly gasped.

"I didn't know you were getting married!" she yelled. The whole store turned and stared at us. We shared confused looks and looked back to Lisa. She stared pointedly at each of our left hands.

I looked at mine. There was the diamond ring that Rose gave me as a gift. On Paul's finger was the cheap ring that got stuck.

Then I heard the murmurs from the store and soon from people that were passing outside of the store. "That's Paul from La Push and Allison who lives with the Cullen's. They're getting married" the news was spreading like wild fire through the small town.

I looked at Paul's shocked eyes.

"Oh Crap"


	6. Chapter 6

**Allison POV**

"I hate you," I said as we climbed into the police cruiser. The handcuffs hurt really badly. This is exactly what I get for helping him out. Paul sat next to me, and I ignored him, except for the occasional glares. The cop looked at us from the rearview mirror.

"Aww, come on guys you're engaged. One little arrest shouldn't mess up the relationship," he smiled warmly.

I screamed and Paul winced. They still thought we were engaged. "For the last time. We are NOT GETTING MARRIED!" I glared at the cop, who just looked at Paul and asked, "Is she always this cranky?" They ignored my cries of protest.

"Yeah, especially during, that time of the month" Paul smirked. I glared at him my mouth hanging open. Then with as much force as I could, manage kicked him in the shin with the heel of my pumps. (Thank you Alice)

"I feel for you man, but your still going to the station," the cop continued driving.

When we got to the station we were ushered into an office were someone would interrogate us on what happened. If I get arrested I am taking Paul with me. Stupid werewolf with his muscles and carefree attitude.

I turned my back to Paul as the chief walked into the office. The chief of fricken Forks. AKA Bella's dad. Dang it Esme and Carlisle would hear about this. Heck, probably all of Forks has heard about it by now.

"So care to explain what happened?" Charlie asked looking at both of us. His eyes landed on me. It's because I'm covered in paint and glitter isn't it? I launched into the whole story.

After Lisa announced to the whole store that Paul and I were getting married, which we were not, she began making a huge Emmett sized temper tantrum. Then she did the unthinkable. She. Slapped. ME! There was no way I was letting that go, so I slapped her. Then, she attacked me! I hit her with a scrap book and she threw glitter on me. We squirted paint at each other when the manager ran up.

I saw shining red and blue lights outside the store. "Paul!" I screamed, "It's the po po!"

Like any one else would I made a run for it while Paul followed me with the camera. When we were by the door we saw guys in uniforms come toward us.

"Drat! It's the coppers!" I yelled. I was into badass mode and grabbed the first thing I saw to throw at them. Cookies, which were no help at all! They just fell to the floor and died. My army was defeated and Paul and I were arrested.

Charlie looked at me with a weirded out look while Paul nodded. I stared back completely serious. This was no time for joking! I was not going to be stuck in the slammer with Paul there to annoy me.

Charlie finally talked after minutes of awkward silence, "Right, I'm going to need your parents phone number young lady," he grabbed the phone that was on his desk. That was so low! Calling my parents. I gave him Esme and Carlisle's number, since my parents were currently in another dimension.

"Are you going to let us go?" we asked.

"That depends," Charlie began talking on the phone. He was surprised that I gave him Esme and Carlisle's number. They actually confirmed that I was their daughter! YAY! Brownie points for Esme and Carlisle! But then he mentioned my 'fiancé'. That ruined my happy mood. After waiting a few minutes they finally came and got us. Then I had to tell them that I wasn't really engaged to Paul.

For the rest of the morning I did all the talking while Paul hid behind me, afraid to get in trouble. Sissy.

"So Allison," Carlisle said, "When's the wedding?" I glared at him and walked away with Paul. Carlisle was next on my 'Annoy" list.

Finally we were able to get the rest of the supplies and begin our plan. We had to endure the whispers of everyone else though. People I didn't even know were asking when the wedding was. After trying to explain that there was no wedding about a bajillion times, I finally gave up and went along with it.

"Paul you will be castrated if one more person asks were we intend to go on our honeymoon!" I was frustrated that now everyone believed we were getting married! I'm not old enough to get married! Paul flinched away from me and then did the unthinkable. . . . . .he gave me the puppy do face. It was heartbreaking and since I'mm a pushover I fell for it. I'm too nice for my own good.

"Fine," I sighed hugging him. He grinned.

"So are we gonna make Jacobs life a living hell or what?" he asked turning the camera on again. I laughed.

"Hell yeah!"


	7. Chapter 7

_**Allison POV**_

"HaPpY BiRtHdAy!"

"holyedwardcullen!" I jumped up from the tree trunk I was sitting at and turned toward Paul. . .who was on the floor laughing. . . ha ha ha. "You know it's not my birthday right?"

"holy" he started still laughing, "Edward Cullen!" he questioned trying to put on a serious face, "He's is gonna hear about this one!" he yelled running to his car.

"NOO!" I tackled him on the ground and quickly gagged him with my purse strap. His eyes widened, staring at me with a frightened look. My face was cold.

"We can do this the easy way or the hard way. But you will NOT tell anyone about this," I gave him one of Rosalie's Bitchy stares, "I can make your life a living hell. Are we clear?" I tightened my grip on the gag. He nodded scared of my reaction. "Do you pinky promise?" I held out my pinky and he quickly held out his as well. I smiled.

Then, I started laughing hard. He was so scared! "Wow did you really think I would like kill you or something?" He stood up slowly and looked at me in surprise.

"Remind me not to get on your bad side. You get really scary."

"Whatever," I rolled my eyes, "Jake got back from school a while ago. We're wasting precious time!" I got up and looked for him.

_**Step 1:**_

Jake was running out on the beach. He was shirtless as usual. Cue drooling.

"Stop frickin' staring at him and let's get this over with," an irritated Paul yelled. What go his undies in a twist?

Paul was hiding behind the driftwood on the beach and I ran up to Jake, still in the crazy outfit covered with glitter and paint.

"What the hell happened to you?" he looked me up and down.

"Woof!" I responded.

"What?"

"Woof! Bark! BARK! WOOF!"

"Hardy har har. That's hilarious cuz I'm a dog," he said sarcastically.

"BARK! BARK! WOLF! WOLF!" I continued answering in barks. He started running again and I followed him barking along the way.

"Leave me alone!" He yelled closing the door in my face. I fell on the floor laughing my ass off! That was hilarious!

_**Step 2:**_

I knocked on his door. Composing my self. He peaked out wearily and when I didn't bark he opened it completely.

"I'm sorry. That was uncalled for," I pouted, "Forgive me?" He smiled and pulled me into a hug.

"AAAAHH!" I yelled running to the street, "The _space heater_ is trying to kill me!"

_**Step 3:**_

"Aww. Flippin Oreo cookies! Paul where are you?" I looked around the bushes were I last left him. He was making me walk in heels in this mud! I grabbed my shoes and tossed them into the trees.

"OWWW!" Paul walked out holding his forehead.

That's what you get I thought smugly. "It's time for the next part!" I quickly walked up behind Jake. "So your taking your walk! Good boy!" I said in a baby voice. He gave me a 'what the hell' look. I grabbed the leash from behind me and hooked on his pant's pocket.

"You know," I started pulling him behind me, "dogs make good pets, not good partners."

_**Step 4:**_

I had the invitation in my hand and Paul was had one as well. He put the camera on th porch swing facing our way. We knocked on the door. Jake opened it about 5 centimeters and left it like that.

"We're not going to bite!" I yelled, "Just open the freakin door!"

He stepped out of the house and looked at us waiting. We stared back. After a few minutes of that Jake finally snapped, "Are you going to talk or not!"

"Oh right," I said, "We wanted to ask you if you had RSVP'ed to Bells and Edward's wedding yet. The invitations were sent out a while ago," Paul and I showed him our invitations, "and we need to fit you for your made of honor dress."

Jake stared at us and slammed the door.

Paul and I shrugged, grinned, and walked away.

_**Step 5:**_

It was super sunny that afternoon and Jake was out on the beach. Again. Shirtless. Again.

That wolf was gonna kill me.

"Are you just going to stare at him, cuz I have more important things to do." Paul said bored as he lay down on the sand. I glared at him and walked to were Jake was.

"You know," I said startling him, "real men sparkle in the sunlight, so since you don't . . ." I trailed off. Finally I blurted out, "Are you sure you're a guy?"

_**Step 6:**_

I had gotten another fake engagment ring since the first one got stuck on Paul's finger. GRRR! I had to waste a whole other quarter. Anyways. This was going to be my most favorite part!

Jake was still at the beach and I had finally changed out of the glitter and paint covered clothing into a nice whit summer dress, and no heels, even though they may come in handy sometimes. I quickly turned my grinning face into a mask of worry, and nervousness. I could hear Paul snickering from behind the trees so I glared to shut him up.

"Jake," I said timidly sitting next to him. He looked annoyed, but when he saw my face he had a look of concern.

"What's wrong?"

"I need to tell you something important," I turned my worried face towards him, "I have imprinted on you Jacob Black," he looked at me surprised, "I love you!" I yelled out.

"Marry me!" I quickly took out the ring from my purse and held it out to him, trying to keep my face serious.

_**Step 7:**_

"Okay," he said quietly.

"What!" I looked up in shock. He nodded and said, "I will marry you."

I stared at him my eyes wide. "Umh. . . I was kidding," I managed to say.

"Oh thank god," he said with a sigh of relief. I was so confuzzled. "I just didn't want to lose another friend." he admitted quietly. Awwwww. I sat down next to him and hugged him tightly.

"Even though you run at boiling 108.9 degrees, Bella still doesn't find you hot," I said. He looked down at me.

I sighed in defeat and hugged him tighter, "But I do," Curse my niceness.

_**Step 8:**_

I sat with Jake watchin the waves on the beach when someone threw a bottle of lotion at my head. I turned around angrily. There was Paul with the camera and an annoyed expression on his face. Crappy peanut waffles! I almost forgot! Jake had made fun of my thinking face! REVENGE!

"Hey Jake remember when Leah told you she was dreaming about kissing Bella because of your feelings for her?"

"How did you know about that?" he looked confused and surprised I had that kind of information.

"Oh. I know everything," I whispered putting a creepy look on my face, "Anyways, back to my question. DO you dream about Sam the way Leah dreams about Bella?" I wiggled my eyebrows suggestively. He looked disgusted . . . and . . . a bit guilty?

"EWWWWWWWW! You do!" I laughed pointing at him falling on my butt in the freezing water, still laughing.

_**Step 9:**_

I was still laughing 10 minutes after that revelation. I could even hear Paul laughing in the background. When I finally calmed down enough. I figured out the next question to ask.

I cleared my throat, "Sooo," I looked around. When there were enough people within hearing distance I yelled really loudly, "I heard you like to do things _doggy _style."

_**Step 10:**_

Jake had run back to his house once he saw all the people looking at him after my amazing question. Now time for the calendar. I remembered what Paul and I had to go through this morning to get this and giggled. Everyone was still asking when the wedding was and apparently as a joke Esme told them it was in a month. However, she forgot that this town DOESN'T have a sense of humor. Now everyone was waiting for our wedding. Paul was pretty relaxed about the whole thing. Weird.

I quickly dropped the wrapped calendar on Jake's porch and knocked on the door twice. I hid on the side of his house as he opened it. He took out the calendar counting down to when Bella would turn into a vampire. His face turned a weird redish purple color. Suddenly he faced me. I froze on the spot.

"Allison!" he yelled running toward me. Suddenly Paul picked me up on his shoulders and ran. Yay! Take that Jake.

"That's what you get for poking fun at my thinking face!" I yelled.

"Did he really poke your face?" asked Paul still running

"Of course not idiot!"

"You still love me," he said arrogantly.

"Yeah I do," I said exasperated. His face lit up and he grinned up at me. What's up with him?


	8. Chapter 8

**Allison POV**

"…"

"…."

"…. okay I'm beyond bored now!" I yelled frustrated. Paul and I had been having a staring contest for the past HALF HOUR! There was nothing to do without anyone here. Only about a few minutes before Edward, Alice, and Bella get here.

"Is there any more food?" Paul stood up and went to look through the fridge.

"You ate practically everything!" I shouted from the living room. "That's why Esme went to the supermarket!"

"Damn," Paul came back from the kitchen and sat on the couch across from me …. This was still boring. Time to spice it up a little.

As quick as a vampire I jumped onto the couch Paul was sitting on. He had a spaz attack and ended up landing on his butt on the floor. He looked up at me, bewildered. I laughed at his face when out of nowhere he pulled me down and discovered my weakness.

I was ticklish. EVERYWHERE! It was a defect my body had, and now Paul found out.

"Paul!" I squealed. That's right freakin' squealed! I don't squeal! But it I was too ticklish!

"Stop Please! I can't breath!" I laughed on the floor as Paul continued tickling with an smirk look on his face.

Then we heard the door slam. We looked up at the same time to see Alice and Bella looking at us in amusement. What? Suddenly I was the entertainment in a house full of vamps! No thanks. That was Emmy Bear.

I quickly got up with as much dignity as I could muster and Paul followed in my example.

"We're not Esme and Carlisle, Allison," Alice said grinning, "You can be that close to your boyfriend with us around." she winked as she sat down. My eyes widened as my face turned a bright red.

"He's not my boyfriend," I managed to say amidst my utter embarrassment.

Then Edward walked in chuckling, "That's right, from what I've heard you are engaged now. Correct?"

"How did you hear about that?" Paul asked. I wanted to do a face palm right there but instead I chose to slap Paul on the back of the head.

"He can read minds you idiot! And the whole town has probably heard it by now!" I huffed and sat next to Alice who was trying to hide her laughter.

"I'm designing your wedding dress!" she said as she got out the wedding magazines from planning Bella's wedding.

"You're getting married?" I turned toward Bella and then glared at Edward.

"We. Are. NOT! GETTING MARRIED!" I looked at Edward one last time and saw him focusing on Paul.

"Really?" he asked. .

Paul looked up with a smirk.

"Well, " said Edward.

"What?" I was so confused.

"Paul was just remembering your little comment from this morning. Something along the lines of, _" holly Edward Cullen!"_ he imitated my voice perfectly. I narrowed my eyes.

"Then Paul must have forgotten out compromise," I said coolly. HE better run for his life!

"Oh crap," Paul began to stand slowly when I lunged toward him, causing him to fall on the floor. Gripping his shoulders tightly I looked him right in the eyes.

"Well," I whispered getting close to his face, "any last words?"

He slowly started getting closer to my face until we were barely a centimeter apart. My eyes widened as he got even closer.

**Authors Note: hmmmmmmmmmm. I wonder what will happen next? ;)**


	9. Chapter 9

**APOV**

His familiar smell reached me as his lips were so close to mine. His brown eyes hypnotized me and I was unable to think. His lips touched mine I completely forgot how to breathe!

At first I was thinking WTF is going on? My heart thudded uncontrollably in my chest as I kissed him back. My hands grasped his short dark hair and his arms slid to my waist pulling me closer. I saw pink and purple striped elephants floating behind my eyelids. Oh snap I'm hallucinating!

Someone clearing their throat and a loud booming voice brought me back to my senses. I quickly pulled away and got up like nothing happened

Carlisle, Esme, and Emmett stood by the living room entrance. Carlisle looked at me questioningly and Esme smiled happily. I blushed even worse than Bella. Emmet was laughing and finally managed to speak, "Well, well, well. Look at that! Now we have another blushing human and her mythical boyfriend." I opened my mouth to speak, to say something witty and filled with attitude, but nothing came out. For once in my whole freakin life I was speechless. I glanced at Paul out of the corner of my eye and saw a guarded expression on his face. His eyes looked sad and I wanted to kiss him again. WTF times 2 quadrillion! That's a number right? I wasn't sure of anything anymore.

I looked at everyone, blinked a bunch of times and quickly ran to my room. I was so confused. I tried to get my thoughts and feelings in order but it wasn't as easy as I thought it would be. There were so many questions running through my head. Why did I kiss him back? Do I like him that way? Should I like him that way? What was going to happen now?

"URGH! Stupid vampires and hot werewolves! They complicate everything!" I yelled. I fell backwards on my bed and stared at the ceiling. After a while there were a few tentive knocks on my door. I sighed and got up.

Outside my bedroom door was Jasper with a weak smile on his face. Drat. He was going to talk about my _feelings. _I hated talking about that crap. I pouted and motioned for him to come in, then closed the door to give us privacy. Not that was possible in a house full of vampires. Every time I flushed the toilet I felt self-conscious. Maybe it should be sound proof! I am so smart!

I sat on my bed next to Jasper and waited for him to talk. I realized that I hadn't really talked to him since I got here and felt bad. Now I felt worse. Thanks a lot Jasper.

"Alice sent me to make sure your okay," was the first thing he said. I looked at him incredulously.

"Oh yeah," I said sarcastically, "I'm feeling the best I've felt in years! Everything is happening just like I expected it to. I'm not confused and I totally just didn't kiss someone that has become a close friend to me. There is NOTHING I'm worried about right now, so yeah. I'm great!" I growled at the end of my rant and felt bad again for snapping at Jasper.

"Allison," he started in calmly, "In order for me to help you, you have to help yourself."

"WHAT THE FU-"

"LANGUAGE!" yelled Esme from downstairs. Like I said no privacy.

"Fine. WHAT THE HECK IS THAT SUPPOSE TO MEAN!"

"You have to get your feelings in order to understand what would be best for you."

"That's the problem," I sighed in defeat, "I've tried!" I felt the weird stinging in my eyes that meant something feared by any Allison. Tears. I would not cry!

"How about you tell me what you felt when you kissed Paul."

I took at deep breath, "At first I felt . . . happy. I _wanted_ to kiss him. Then I felt scared," I whispered. I wasn't normally scared by anything.

"Why were you scared?" Jasper whispered looking intently at me. I turned away from him as the tears finally overflowed from my eyes. Crap. This was turning like one of those sad drama/romance stories. I hated that almost as much as I hated Kristen WeIrDo. That little doo doo head had no acting skills what so ever. I liked the real Bella much better.

"I know I can't stay here forever. I'll have to leave eventually and it could be any day. I can't get attached to anyone that's here. I'll just have to leave it behind."

"Maybe you should have fun and be with him before you leave. Otherwise you'd resent yourself for not doing so when you get back."

It was a crazy idea. So crazy . . . It just might work! I grinned at Jasper and tackled him onto the floor in a big hug.

"Thank you! You make so much sense!" and he did make sense almost as much as Justin Bieber songs! I was about to tell him that when a shriek filled the house. Alice ran into the room with gleaming eyes and grabbed my hand.

**Authors Note: **sorry for not updating in a while! But thanks for being patient! except CaitlinB54 . . . lol love all your reviews


	10. Chapter 10

**APOV**

I grabbed the mic next to Alice.

"NEVER SAY NEVER!"

"Pick it up. Pi-pi-pick it up! Pick it up! Pi-pi-pick it up!" Alice's small voice echoed through the mall.

"Yeah! Yeah! Never ever never ever ever ever ever! See I never thought that I could walk through fire! I never thought that I could take the burn. I never had the strength to take it higher! Until I reached the point, of no return." I turned to her and we both began to sing.

"And there's just no turning back, when you're hearts under attack. Gonna give everything I have," Alice paused while I kept singing, "It's my destiny! I will never say never! I will fight, I will fight till forever! Make it right! Whenever you knock me down I will not stay on the ground,"

"Pick it up Pick it up Pick it up Pick it up up up up up! And never say never!" Alice and I looked at the surprised faces of the Cullen's and everyone else around us. There was an awkward silence while they gaped with their mouths open until Emmy Bear finally spoke.

"That's what you dragged me down here for? I could be watching the game!" He shook his head as he walked away from us and out of the mall. Alice and I had sung in front of all the customers in the mall by the entrance, where everyone could here our awesome singing.

"YOU ARE NOT A BELIEBER!" I yelled after Emmett.

Alice had dragged me to the mall to sing, but I wasn't complaining. When she discovered I was a Belieber she came out of the Justin Bieber closet. After our mall performance there was still something very important I had to do. Find Paul. I had to talk to him about everything that happened.

Alice dropped me off at the treaty line where Jake waited in his car. He grinned and came out to give me a hug. As Alice drove off I turned toward Jake.

"Have you heard from Paul?" I was worried no one knew were he was since he left from the Cullen's. He had shifted into wolf form and then back into a human before anyone could figure out where he was.

"Actually he's at my house right now, but doesn't know you're going to be there," he looked out the windshield nervously.

"Oh peanut brittle, he hates me," I frowned and glared at every passing tree. I would take my anger out on the trees. Stupid trees with their green leaves. Why can't the leaves be rainbow? Now all the colors will feel left out.

"He doesn't hate you Allison," he sighed and muttered under his breath," exactly the opposite actually," I don't think I was meant to hear the last part. I took a deep breath and tried to calm down. The opposite of hate. Love? Did Paul love me? It was way to soon for someone to fall in love. You can't fall in love in just a matter of days. . . can you? But I did.

"Chocolate monkeys! NOTHING MAKES SENSE!" I needed to talk to Paul.

As soon as Jake stopped the car in front of his house I got out. Jake motioned for me to go in while he stood next to his car. "I don't want Paul to beat the shit out of me for bringing you here," I grimaced and walked in through the door.

"Jake where the hell have you been! Your TV sucks by the way."

I turned the corner into the living room were Paul sat on the coach eating chips. He looked up expecting to see Jake and saw me. I didn't know what to say. His look of annoyance instantly changed to surprise and wariness. He stood up and looked at me, "What are you doing here?" his voice was cold and guarded. I flinched and his face softened.

"I needed to talk to you. I want to make sense of all this," my voice broke, "I'm so confused." He sighed and sat back down, patting the spot next to him. I managed a weak smile and sat down. Before I could speak he began.

"I'd like to explain something first," his leg bounced, "I-I don't-I'm sorry for kissing you. It was rude of me to just do that without your permission." he looked back at me. My face fell. "You regret it then?" I asked looking down. "No! Of course not," he yelled as soon as I asked, "but I-" I cut him off.

"Let me speak first. I don't regret you doing that either," I smiled at his surprised face. "I wanted to know your real feelings towards me, although I already have an idea" I looked at him expectantly.

"I- I love you. I imprinted on you," he blurted out, then quickly covered his mouth with a mortified expression. Can you say, AWKWARD … with a capital awk and ward, wait did he just say …

Talking waffles! I had completely forgotten about the freaky wolf imprinting. I was certain that I had fallen in love with Paul and I should at least enjoy a short time with him, even if we weren't suppose to be together. I was too selfish, but I couldn't lose him when I had just found him.

"I love you too," I blushed and looked down. What was this wolf doing to me? I wasn't usually so shy. His eyes grew big and he stared at me

"Stop looking at me like that!" I complained.

"Say it again," he whispered, smiling slightly. I looked into his dark brown eyes, "I love you Paul," I said with conviction. He grinned and held me in his arms.

"I love you Allison, so much." After just sitting there, hugging and maybe sometimes kissing, (I'll deny this in front of Carlisle and Esme.) I remembered that I needed to get back at Carlisle for talking about a wedding with Paul. Although now that I think about it, it wouldn't be so bad … But still he shouldn't have done that. I grinned my evil Grinch smile and looked up at Paul. Instantly he became cautious.

"I know that look," he gulped loudly, "Sh- Should I be worried?"

"Not as long as you help me," I smiled sweetly and grabbed the camera out of my purse of evil.

He sighed and rolled his eyes, "Who's our target?"

"The one named Carlisle Cullen," He would have no idea what I had planned. MUAHAHAHAHA! MUAHAHAHA- oww! My throat. Note to self cut back on the evil laughs.


	11. Chapter 11

**APOV**

"You better stop right there or you will wake up dead," I threatened holding out a knife and fork.

Paul's hand was just inches away from the pie. It was the most amazing pie in the world that Esme had made and there was only one slice there. Paul had tried to get a slice but heck no! It was MY pie!

His eyes shifted to the pie and back to me. I saw his hands inching toward the pie and did the only thing I could think of. I whacked him in the head with my fork, grabbed the pie, and ran.

Edward was just coming in through the door with Bella at his side. As quickly as I could I threw myself into Edwards arms. He caught me bridal style with a confused expression on his face.

"Paul was trying to eat my pie!" I yelled, then proceeded to stuff the last slice in my mouth.

"Crap! I almost caught you," Paul smirked standing in front of Edward and I, "You know, I wasn't going to eat the pie. I know how important it is to you."

I had found my soulmate. He knew just how strongly I felt about pie and revenge. Gasp! I had gotten so distracted with the most delicious and scrum-didali-uptious pie in the world that I almost forgot about Carlisle! "Paul! We almost forgot about our new target!" his smiling face turned into a serious one as he grabbed the camera from the couch. I jumped out of Edward's arms and grabbed my purse of evil.

"Purse of evil?" he questioned with a grin.

"This is a serious matter!" I made my face so serious that my eye started twitching. Then calmly said my goodbye. I was already dressed as a serious businesswomen yet still I looked hot. Alice was going through a new phase in dressing me.

"Good day Edward and Isabella. Enjoy this fantastic evening alone. Ta ta," I said in my best snooty voice.

_**Step 1:**_

"The target has been spotted," I whispered into the walkie talkie.

"Roger," said Paul as he aimed the camera towards Carlisle.

"His name isn't Roger,"

We were currently at the hospital and saw Carlisle across the hall. As I was about to approach him a mean nurse stopped me.

"I'm sorry, do you have an appointment? No one can see Dr. Cullen without one," she looked so smug that I just wanted to-

"She's my daughter, it's fine." I heard Carlisle say.

I smirked at the secretary while she scowled. She was lucky I didn't go all Jacky Chan or her butt.

"Allison, what can I do for yo-"

"I'm sorry but if you want to speak to me you will have to address me in a cute British accent."

"I don't thin-"

"English Accent!" I said loudly.

He sighed, "Wut can I do for you, Allison?" his English accent was amazing! I squealed thanks and skipped back to Paul.

_**Step 2:**_

Paul and I stood on the foyer while the camera was hidden behind a tree branch. We heard Carlisle's car in the driveway and walked out to greet him.

"Fo shizzle! Carlizzle!" I yelled putting extra emphasiz on the 's'.

"Allison it's pronounced Carlisle."

I gave him a weird look and responded, "The 'q' is silent."

_**Step 3:**_

"Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey,"

"Yes Allison?" he was so relaxed even after I had bothered him for like ever!

I looked around suspiciously and then leaned close to his ear, as if to tell a secret. As soon as there were enough people within hearing distance I yelled out.

"DO BLONDS REALLY HAVE MORE FUN!"

_**Step 4:**_

"You can do this babe," I said massaging Paul's shoulders, suddenly I saw Carlisle coming down the stairs, "GO! There he is! Remember the plan!" I hurriedly turned on the camera and got as close as I could.

Paul walked up to Carlisle and greeted him.

"So Carlisle, what do you think of the pretty nurses at the ER.?" he asked leaning against the wooden railing of the stairs.

"I beg your pardon," Carlisle's eyes widened slightly.

"I know what you do with all those pretty nurses during your night shifts at the hospital," Paul winked, "but hey I can't blame you. We all need a little variety right?"

Carlisle stood still staring at Paul. His golden eyes hardened and his small smile turned into a scowl. He looked around swiftly and then gripped Paul's shoulders.

"I don't know what the hell your talking about, but if you ever hurt Allison because you need a little "variety" as you so put it, I won't hesitate to rip your throat out. Are we clear?" he asked in an eerily calm voice.

Paul nodded quickly, his eyes wide and scared. Carlisle smiled and patted his shoulder roughly, "Good."

My mouth hung open in shock as to what had just happened.

In the midst of the surprise I managed to stutter out, "C-Carlisle just cursed! . . . I'm telling Esme on you!"

_**Step 5:**_

After the little incident with Carlisle, Paul refused to go anywhere near him.

"How can you be so scared? You're a freakin werewolf for crying out loud!" I threw my arms up in defeat, "Fine, you can take the camera and record away from us."

Hs frightened expression turned into one of gratitude. "I love you so much!" he hugged me tighty.

"Can't- breath . . ." I gasped out for air when he let go.

"Sorry," he muttered. I rolled my eyes and walked into a closet. When I heard Carlisle's footsteps by the door I began yelling at the banana in my hand.

"NO! YOU KNOW IT'S YOUR FAULT! I CAN'T DRIVE WAFFLES! MONKEY's EAT ALL MY PURSES AND PAUL LOVES PIE-"

I was cut off by Carlisle opening the door. "Do you mind? I'm having an important conversation!"

He looked at the banana in my hand, "Allison you can't talk to fruit."

"Swim to France! This has nothing to do with vampires. It's strictly between the fruit and me!" with that I shut the door in his scared face.

_**Step 6:**_

The camera was placed carefully inside a sandwich. This was going to be great!

"Couldn't we have hid the camera behind a pillow on the couch?"

"Paul, where would the fun be in that?" I rose an eyebrow questioning him. He shrugged. "Exactly." I always win.

I burst through the front door with a smile on my face.

"Bella and I are getting married!" I yelled. Carlisle, Esme, and Emmett stared at me.

"Allison, I don't think that that's possible-"

"TIMES HAVE CHANGED OLD MAN!" I grabbed the sandwich and ran.

_**Step 7:**_

"Carlisle?" he leaned away from me and was instantly suspicious.

"Yes?"

"I have a question," he nodded for me to continue his face still wary, "well you know how vampires have gift that are traits from your human life, just magnified?" he nodded, "So you brought your compassion to this life, right?" he smiled and nodded happily, "Well . . . ," I stood up with my hands on my hips, "WHAT KIND OF STUPID SUPERHUMAN POWER IS COMPASSION? WHAT WILL YOU DO IN A FIGHT? LOVE THY ENEMY TO DEATH?"

_**Step 8:**_

"Why do you have so much holy water?" Paul carried the filled bucket up to Carlisle's study.

"You'll see," I grinned. I rigged the bucket on top of the door, so that when it was opened it would pour on whoever was underneath it. I pushed Paul into a small closet, and then I hid under Carlisle's desk.

I heard the splash and jumped out from under his desk with a cross, "Evil demon that possesses Carlisle, abandon this body!"

"ALLISON," he yelled trying to get my attention. All his clothes were soaked and dripping onto the floor.

"Paul, the demons going to attack me!" I felt Paul grab me and jump down the window. Hehehe. Step 8 complete.

I stepped back into the house once Carlisle left. That was hilarious! Suddenly I tripped over nothing. Bella was rubbing off on me. I yelled out loud and fell on my butt. Paul laughed at me and helped me stand up. I pouted, "It wasn't funny!" I complained crossing my arms.

"That was just like Bella," sniggered Edward. When did he get here?

"STOP STALKING US!"

_**Step 9:**_

"Hello," I smiled sweetly at the mean nurse from before, "I'm looking for Dr. MDreamy."

"Who?" she scowled

"," I stated again, "Oh I'm sorry. I meant Dr. McSteamy. Well he prefers either. You should tell all of the nurses to call him that. He thinks Dr. Cullen makes him sound old. Ooops there goes the time I have to go." I turned around and barely 2 seconds later heard the nurse again.

"Hello ," I heard Carlisles disgusted and surprised voice before exiting the nurses station.

_**Step 10:**_

"Paul! It tickles!" I squealed trying to move away.

"Hold still. Alice will kill you if this ketchup gets on your shirt!" that stopped me short, "Alright your ready," he held me at arms length and looked at me neck, "You'll do great babe." he smirked, dropped my arms and yelled, "ACTION!" With that I went running through the E.R. waiting room. Yelling at the top of my lungs.

"I'VE BEEN BITTEN! I'VE BEEN BITTEN! HELP ME! I'M TURNIG INTO A VAMPIRE!" I fell on the floor and began spazing out, then I lay still.

A shocked nurse walked up to me and looked at my neck. She shrieked when she saw two puncture marks dripping with blood (ketchup). I heard her yell for 'Dr. Cullen' and smirked softly. When I heard footsteps close in I stood up as fast as a vampire on fire. I rolled my eyes to the back of my head.

"I vill suck yur blood!" I yelled in a gravely voice. There were shrieks everywhere. That's what you get Carlisle Cullen.


	12. Chapter 12

**APOV**

I jumped and ran as fast as I could. I had to get away! They were right behind me. Run! Run! Don't look back! My legs felt like they were burning and going to fall off, but I couldn't stop. My legs managed to move faster across the forest floor. I jumped over a log and pushed plants out of my way. 'Keep running,' was all I could think of. I wasn't fast enough.

"AAAAAAAHHH!" I yelled as one of them grabbed onto my leg. I picked up a branch from the surrounding forest and hit it on the head before it could bite me. Where were the Cullens and Paul? They should have been here by now. I kept running but it latched onto my leg again and this time I didn't have any time to push it off before it sunk his sharp marshmallow teeth into my leg.

"WHY!" I yelled as I felt my body change. One of them, the leader I presumed came up. Marshmallow ducks and blue bunnies surrounded him, the only pink bunny marshmallow there. The sugar on him glittered in the burning forest around us. He scowled at me and then grinned. I looked down at my leg that was bitten by one of the marshmallow bunnies and saw that it was turning into marshmallow too!

"NOOO! NOOO! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

"Allison wake up!"

I sat up and opened my eyes to see Edward looking at me with amusement. I jumped out of bed and went to my full-length mirror. I sighed in relief that my leg wasn't turning into a marshmallow. Suddenly Edward burst out laughing. I scowled and sat down on my bed.

"Why did you dream of killer vampire marshmallow bunnies?" he chuckled.

"I don't know," I grumbled, "Wait! How'd you know?"

"You were screaming, 'don't let the marshmallow bunny bite me! No! I'm turning into a marshmallow!" He laughed again and suddenly a loud booming laugh joined in. Emmett waltzed in along with Alice. All of them stood around me laughing. I found it very offensive. I crossed my arms and pouted.

"Doesn't anyone understand the meaning of privacy! Flying pickles! I could have been sleeping naked and all of you just burst into my room! Get Out!" I stood pointing to the door. All of them looked at me in surprise before walking out of the room. As I was shutting the door I heard Edward laugh again.

He had no idea what was going to happen to him… Silly Sparklepire ….

_**Step 1: **_

Today was the perfect day to start! Bella was sitting with Edward in the living room and since I had an awesome mind I was currently reciting the alphabet backwards and practicing French irregular verbs… surprised at my awesomness? Exactly!

I grabbed my camera, and ipod dock that Esme and Carlisle got for me and walked downstairs. I didn't want to go overboard so all I had on were my distressed jeans and a purple and black zebra striped tee shirt. I put the camera on the living room table that would capture Edward and Bella's reaction and my amazing dance moves! I walked into the living room with a straight face and turned on the music. **[The Bad Touch by the Bloodhound Gang]**

I started singing and dancing in front of them. Edward recognized the song and pinched the bridge of his nose. Bella looked at me with wide eyes and her mouth hanging open. If I wasn't doing one of the best performances of my whole fricken' life I would have laughed at her face.

Sweat baby sweat baby sex is a Texas drought

Me and you do the kind of stuff that only Prince would sing about

So put your hands down my pants and I'll bet you'll feel nuts

Yes I'm Siskel, yes I'm Ebert and you're getting two thumbs up

You've had enough of two-hand touch you want it rough you're out of bounds

I want you smothered want you covered like my Waffle House hashbrowns

Come quicker than FedEx never reach an apex just like Coca-Cola stock you are inclined

To make me rise an hour early just like Daylight Savings Time

As soon as Bella heard the lyrics she blushed so bad I thought her face would stay like that. She knew I was singing this to embarrass Edward about their _"compromise"_.

Do it now

You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals

So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel

Do it again now

You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals

So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel

Gettin' horny now

I grabbed my ipod dock and walked calmly back up to my room without a word.

_**Step 2:**_

I set the camera on the dashboard and looked out the windshield.

"Hurry up Jake!" I looked back through the binoculars and saw Edward turn to my direction. I gasped and pushed Jake out of the way.

The Volvo started and I quickly pressed my foot down on the accelerator. It swerved on the road and I almost crashed it into a tree. But I didn't!

"Allison give me the wheel!" Jake's eye were so scared I laughed.

"Relax, I got it under control," I swerved around an old lady who was driving way to slow. I put my head out of the window and yelled, "HEY GRANDMA! MOVE OUT OF THE WAY! WE HAVE STUFF TO DO!"

Suddenly I found myself in the passengers seat. I looked over and saw Jake at the wheel.

He turned to look at me and sighed in relief. "I thought you were gonna kill us!"

"JAKE LOOK OUT!" The brakes screeched, but the car didn't stop.

_**Step 3:**_

"Do you have any idea how much damage you did! I'm going to have to get a whole new car! You destroyed it!" Edward was blabbing on and on about the pretzel-err I mean car that was around a pole in the highway. I spaced out after he yelled my name. Besides it was Jake who crashed the car. Luckly he jumped out with me before we were squished to death.

"I could send you to jail for what you did to my car!" I got completely irritated and had finally had enough.

"Okay you have no right to send me to jail! If you remember correctly Paul and I almost got stuck in the slammer already! There is no need to include the coppers! And if you want to then I should tell them about your unhealthy relationship with Bella! I mean It's practically pedophilia! You're 109 years old! You could be sent to jail! So stick that in your toilet and flush it!" I crossed my arms and walked away.

"That last part made absolutely no sense," he whispered.

_**Step 4:**_

"Sooooooooooooooooooooooooo," I said flipping the page in the magazine and reading. After a few minutes he finally responded.

"Why did you say 'so' if you were not going to say anything?" He asked already irritated.

"I was getting to that part! Sheesh! Someone is impatient!" I flipped to next page and after another sigh from Edward I finally spoke.

"Sooooooooooooooooooo, Tanya called yesterday and I told her to have her wedding dress ready."

"Why would you do that!" his eyes were widened in horror.

"Because you said the wedding would be in like a few months! DUH!"

"I meant my wedding to Bella!"

"Oohhhhhhhhhh. I get it now… Well Tanya will still be here in about 5 minutes. Let's see how you get yourself out of this one buddy. How could you be engaged to two people at once! Gosh!"

_**Step 5:**_

The camera was currently on top of my head on a cardboard hat that looked like fangs. I had made it myself yesterday with no help from anyone! I even got to use big girl scissors to cut a hole for the lens!

I walked into the living room carefully so that the hat wouldn't fall off. I sat down on the couch and looked at Edward who was looking at me with the weirdest expression ever.

I would say it was his constipated vampire face, but it could also be his 'what the fudge' vampire face . . .

"Sup, Edward."

"What- never mind. I don't want to know."

"Oh so now I'm not important anymore! I see how it is" I yelled getting up.

"No. That's not what I meant-"

"Oh yea and I'm supposed to believe you! Why do you always start fights with me!"

"Allison you're over reacting." he stated calmly.

"OH BITE ME EDWARD!" I stomped out of the room with my hat/camera.

_**Step 6:**_

"Bella love I brought you everything in the whole wide world!" I imitated Edwards voice perfectly . . . or close enough. I laughed with Jasper and Emmett.

"I wonder who wears the pants in that relationship?" Emmett's voice boomed through the house. I leaned against him while laughing louder. When I finally calmed down I spoke again.

"Wow that Romeo sure gets corny when he's with Bella," I giggled. This was all harmless fun. It was true, though. Edward did get corny when he was with Bella, but all the love clichés were actually true with them. Sigh . . . the power of true love.

"You got that right," Jasper chuckled. We heard the door shut and Edward walked in with his arm around Bella, smiling like a goofball. One glance at Emmett and Jasper and we burst out laughing.

"Oh. . . gosh . . It's . . " I gasped out in between laughs.

"ROMEO!" we sung still laughing. Edwards face lost his smile and looked at us like we were crazy.

"What are you laughing at?" he was confused because he clearly still didn't get it!

"ROMEO!" we roared out laughing again. Clutching my side I fell on the floor laughing like a maniac.

"I . . .can't . . . breathe!" I giggled.

"HAHAHAHAHA!" Emmetts laugh was by far the loudest and it made me laugh even harder.

"I don't understand. What's going on here?" asked Edward frustrated once again. We stopped laughing abruptly. Looking at each other.

I squinted my eyes and looked at everyone suspiciously. "I. Don't. Know." I looked around the room. I pointed my fingers to my eyes and then to them. "I'm watching you," I whispered and slowly and cautiously made my way out of the room. I shut the door.

"ALWAYS WATCHING! MUAHAHAHAH!"

_**Step 7:**_

"ALLISON! " I looked up and waddled to his room, doing my 'wet toenails walk'.

"Edward what are you whining about this time. I was in the middle of something important!" I glanced down at my awesome pedicure I had just given myself.

"You left my C.D.'s out again!" he sighed glaring pointedly at all the cases that were strewn through his room.

"! You better clean that up before Esme sees what a mess you made!" I chuckled and turned around about to leave.

"Allison! I hate when you do this! I need you to put them back!" he crossed his arms, "These are important to me."

"What are you gonna do about it? Go to Italy?" I huffed and walked back to my room.

_**Step 8:**_

I looked at Edwards "bronze" hair in the sunlight, but something seemed off. In the books it always described his hair as "bronze". Why? Hmmmmmmmmm…

"OMG! I know!" I got up off the floor and pointed at Edward accusingly.

"Why are you so ashamed to be a red head Edward!" I sobbed.

He looked at me. Probably questioning my sanity.

"There is nothing to be ashamed about! Stop calling your hair bronze! STOP WITH ALL THE LIES! JUST ACCEPT THE FACT THAT YOU'RE A GINGER LIKE RON WEASLY!"

_**Step 9:**_

"I'm going to Bella's!" called Edward. I sat up straight smirking. Then I rushed out of my room, fake tears already pouring out.

"NOOO! WHY!" I fell to my knees in front of him. Everyone rushed onto the room staring with wide eyes. I held onto his legs tightly, like a little girl and sat on his feet.

"PLEASE! PLEASE EDWARD! DON'T LEAVE ME!" I yelled louder, clutching his jeans in my hands and looked up at his face with my puppy dog expression. ( Mine was better than Alice's)

"NOT AGAIN!" I sobbed louder and began sniffling. "DON'T GO!"

"W-what?" Edward asked incredulously staring at me.

_**Step 10:**_

Now that all the drama was behind us, it was time to have a little bit of fun.

I snuck into Edwards room and took . . . PICTURES OF HIM NAKED!

Nah just kiddin. I took his silver cell phone and changed the ringtone. I had the perfect song that said so much about him. It was one of the many annoying things I had in store for this family. Muahhhahahhahah!

I placed it back in his room and got Emmett to drive me to Bella's house. Edward had just arrived…with his phone . . . Hehehe. I knew from Alice that Charlie had wanted to talk to him and according to my calculations that should be right…about…now! I quickly speed dialed his phone and looked in through Bella's kitchen window. BINGO! Charlie was standing right next to Edward! Could this get any better!

The windows were open, due to the warm weather and suddenly you could hear Madonna's song 'Like a Virgin' blasting from Edwards pocket.

I giggled and laughed at their faces. Bella's face was red, while Charlie's was turning into a strange purpley color. Edward's eyes were wide and embarrassment radiated from him. I laughed louder and even snorted. They all looked put the window at me with my cell phone by my ear.

Edwards face turned murderous.

Time to leave. I got up and ran as fast as I could. I heard Edwards angry call and hurriedly ran into the woods. Suddenly everything went black and I heard a soft "Ow."


	13. Chapter 13

APOV

I didn't remember where I was. All I could feel was dirt underneath my finger tips. I groaned and turned around slowly opening my eyes. I was still in the woods.

"Finally! I thought you were dead!"

I turned towards the familiar voice. I got up off the floor and screamed.

"LAUREN! OMG! YAY!" I hugged her and looked at her shoes. They were chucks with Elvis's face on it. Still an Elvis Presley fan. Weirdo. Her light brown hair was tied up in a ponytail and she was wearing jeans and a tee shirt.

"Where the hell am I anyways?" she looked around confused.

"Your in Forks!" she looked at me weird

"No seriously, were are we?" she dusted off her jeans and looked around. Her green eyes looked back at me, noticing that I was completely serious.

"Oh wow we are in Forks."

"It gets better!" I jumped up and down excited. She looked at me cautiously.

"Your definition of better is way different from mine," I rolled my eyes at her comment and pulled her along out of the woods.

"You will be so excited to meet everyone!" I took my phone out of my pocket and dialed Emmett's number.

"Hello!" he sung out

"Emmy-bear!" I laughed.

"ALLI-BEAR!" he yelled.

"Can you pick me up? I'm with a friend outside of Bella's house," I looked over at Lauren and noticed she was confused.

"YEA! BE RIGHT THERE!" he hung up without a goodbye.

"Emmy-bear? Bella?" Lauren was confuzzled, well more than usual.

", we are in Forks . . . and all the Cullen's and Bella exists! Isn't that awesome!" I grinned waiting for her response.

"Oh God! Allison you've gone crazy and I've been sucked into your craziness with you," she held her head in her hands, "I didn't know your Obsessive Cullen Disorder was contagious."

"It's not! and why does everyone say I'm crazy!" I huffed and crossed my arms.

"As long as you're here nothing will be boring. So I might as well enjoy you're weirdness," she sighed. I heard tires screech on the road and turned o see Emmett coming to a stop in front of Bella's house. The doors swung open and I saw Emmett wearing a suit and dark sunglasses.

"GET IN EDWEIRDO IS MAD ABOUT YOUR TRICK! QUICK! HE'S COMING!"

I turned and saw Edward walking out of Bella's house. NO! I jumped into the car and we drove off.

Well until we realized that I left Lauren behind. After we got her, then we left.

"That was close!" Emmett sighed, "Well see ya! Eddie's gonna want revenge. You're on your own." He ran inside calling Rosalie. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Emmett ditched us. I believe that I said this before…REVENGE. . MUAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHH!MUAHAAAHAHAHAHAH!

"Allison stop laughing like that! It creeps me out," Lauren stood to the side arms crossed.

"OHMYPAUL! I FORGOTS TO TELL YOU!"

"First stop screaming! Then talk," Lauren crossed her arms waiting for me to continue.

I took a deep breath, "Paul imprinted on me! Oh and you have to meet everyone!" I started pulling her towards the house.

"Wait!" she pulled her hand out of my grasp, "Paul! Werewolf Paul that is friends with Jacob!" she questioned.

"Yups! You have to meet the Cullen's now! Then I'll get Jake to pick us up to go to La Push!" I skipped into the house and called everyone to come to the living room. As soon as everyone sat down, including Carlisle; it was his day off, I introduced everyone to Lauren.

"This is one of my bestestest friends from my world! It's cool, she knows all about the vamps and werewolves!" I smiled and pushed her forward. Esme gave her a hug and told her she was welcome to stay with us. Carlisle shook her hand and smiled, Emmett crushed her in a bear hug, Rose managed a small smile, Alice hugged her and started talking about going shopping. Fun… and Edward…he wasn't here yet. Good.

I called Jake and asked him to pick us up. Paul was wolf patrol or whatever. Yay! I could surprise him! As we were about to leave the evil pixie attacked and moments later I was in a summer dress and heels. Whatever…

"Jake!" I yelled and hugged him, "This is my friend Lauren, she knows about your weirdness and that you're a wolf! I also told her to be careful when you drive."

"Yeeeeaaaaaaaaaaa, nice to meet you, and Allison is always this crazy especially now," Lauren smirked.

"AM NOT!" I yelled and stuck out my tongue, "SHOTGUN!" I ran to the passengers seat and shut the door. Moments later Lauren and Jake came to the car laughing. Freaks.

Halfway through the ride to La Push I got bored soo, . . . I sang! I made up a song all by myself! :P

"Myyyyyyyyyy vampires bring all the wolves to the yard! And they're like! It's better than yours! Dang right! It's better than yours!" I took a deep breath and continued, "You can look but you can't touch it, if you touch it, Imma. Start some drama! Nononono drama!"

"It won't stop!" goraned Lauren covering her ears.

"Please make it stop!" yelled Jake driving up to the reservation. I jumped out of the car as soon as I saw one of my favorite people ever.

"PAUL!" I ran up to him. It was like a romantic scene from a movie when the girl runs up to the handsome guy and the meet in the middle and hug. Except those girl had better balance and weren't wearing heels running on the beach.

Like expected, I tripped and fell on my butt in the cold wet sand. *pout*

Everyone laughed at me! Not cool.

"Are you okay?" chuckled Paul helping me up. I huffed and crossed my arms. Stupid idiot werewolf.

"Oh jeez!" laughed Lauren, "That was-and then you fell-" she couldn't finish a sentence and continued laughing.

"I think you're worse than Bella!" laughed Jake. I scowled.

"Awww. I think wittle Allison got her feewings huwt," he teased in a baby voice.

"Oh yea well lets see what hurts when I shove my heel up your-"

"Okay! Stop torturing Allison," interrupted Paul putting a hand over my mouth. I bit it.

"OW!" I stuck my tongue out and turned around. He hugged me and spun me around to face him.

"Forgive me?" he asked pouting.

"Urgh! Whatever," I sighed. He grinned and kissed me, "So anyways. I need help."

"You finally admit it!" exclaimed Lauren grinning.

"As I was saying! I need help annoying Emmett! He ditched us to feel the wrath of Edward when he was super moody! So I have a plan!" I grinned my evil grin and looked at all their frightened faces. Heheheh.

_**Step 1:**_

"So Jake is the awesome cameraman person, Paul is who gets to carry the purse of evil," he scowled. That's what he gets for laughing at me when I fell, "Lauren will-"

"I am not getting involved in another of your crazy ideas. I'll just observe," she shrugged.

"Urgh fine! I can do this on my own!" I handed the camera to Jake who turned it on and tossed my purse of evil to Paul. He glared at me and I smirked. I walked into the house where Emmett was currently watching a football game.

"Emmett?"

"Yea," he said distracted.

"Did you know you look like a creepy stalker rapist?"

His head shot up. "I do not!" he ran up to a mirror. Sucker.

_**Step 2:**_

Emmett had just gotten home from hunting and was smiling like a weirdo. I don't know why and I probably will never want to know why. His smiling was getting creepy, so I decided to wipe it off his face in the nicest way possible.

"You have grizzly in your teeth,"

_**Step 3:**_

"Emmett I told you not to leave your clothes all over our room!"

"Sorry Rosie," I heard Emmett sigh and begin to pick everything up.

"HAHAHAHAHa! I wonder who wears the pants in that relationship?" I laughed

"That's definitely me!" yelled Emmett, throwing everything back down on the floor.

"Emmett you better pick all that up! Right now!" Rose came back into the room and glared at him.

"Yes Rose," he pouted and knelt down to pick everything up again.

_**Step 4:**_

"Hold on tight! If I fall you will die!" I warned securing the harness around my waist. Paul was holding the rope. He began pulling which cause me to rise up close to the ceiling. As soon as the top of my head touched the ceiling I gave the signal. Everyone hid.

"This I have to see," said Lauren hiding behind the sofa. I rolled my eyes and grasped the stake in my right hand. I heard Emmett's jeep pull up on the driveway. I grinned and as soon as the door opened I swung towards him yelling, "Die Monster!"

I was coming straight at him with the stake.

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" he yelled and ran back out the door. I started laughing, but I was still swinging in mid air.

"Get me down from here!" I yelled holding on to the rope for dear life.

_**Step 5:**_

I hobbled towards the living room on my crutches. Glaring at anyone who looked my way. Paul trailed behind still apologizing.

"For the last time it's not your fault! Jake is the one who made you drop me!" I scowled at Jacob. He gave me an apologetic smile. I rolled my eyes and sat on the sofa as they hid. Emmett was playing with the Xbox. I looked over his bulky figure suddenly knowing exactly what to say.

"Cough," I said, "cough, cough." he finally turned around. I stared at him. He rolled his eyes.

"What is it Allison?" He questioned raising an eyebrow.

"Well, uhhum," I cleared my throat obnoxiously loud, "cough!"

"Are you gonna talk or not?"

"Jeez you're just as impatient as Edward. Now I don't want to tell you," he continued staring for a whole minute. Finally, just as he was about to unpause his game I blurted out really fast, "Brawn is out, Scrawn is in!" then with as much grace as possible got my crutches and hobbled back out of the room.

_**Step 6:**_

I looked at the last piece of pie on the platter on the dining room table. Quickly I placed it on a dessert plate and turned to leave with the last piece of yummylicious pie.

But of course the pie knig hates me and doesn't want me to eat pie because he placed a large vampire were no one would see him and accidently smash pie on him.

Emmett's shirt now held my pie. THE PIE. *sigh*

"Well thanks a lot!" I exclaimed throwing my arms in the air, "How does it feel to be the least liked Cullen male? HUH! Not good? Too bad! You ruined my pie!" I had ditched my crutched cause now I had a leg brace. I limped away from the dead pie on Emmett's shirt.

"It's just pie!" He yelled.

"It was THE pie!"

_**Step 7:**_

After the whole pie incident with Emmett things had to get more inappropriate to actually piss him off. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. . .

"LIGHTBULB!" I exclaimed like the dude from Despicable Me. Love him! That movie was awesome! The unicorn is so fluffy! FLUFFY! . . . good times . . . back to my idea. It was smart.

I limped into the living room and grabbed a magazine. I glanced at Emmett from the corner of my eye and saw him completely focused on the football game.

I pretended to be enthralled in the magazine. That's right. I know big words.

"hmmmm," I hummed flipping a page. I saw Emmett glance at me, "I wonder what Rosalie calls Emmett in bed?" I continued flipping pages. Then looked up to Emmett's wide eyes with utter innocence.

"Did I say that out loud?" I gasped. Internally laughing at Emmett's awkwardness. MUAHAHAHAHAHAH!

_**Step 8:**_

I saw Rosalie's legs peek out from under Emmett's jeep. Emmett was currently waxing his jeep. He had been at it for 6 hours already. Why did he have to have such a big good looking car . . .

. . . LIGHTBULB! . . .

I shuffled out to the driveway and casually leaned against one of the tires of the jeep. It was higher than my waist. I still had my magazine from before. I flipped a few pages and blew bubbles on my gum. Hehehe . . . Bubble Gum.

"Soooooooooooooo," I drew out placing my sunglasses on top of my head, "What's goodie?"

Emmett gave me a weird look and went back to waxing the car. I started thinking to myself out loud.

"Jeez why does Emmett have such a BIG car? Oh! HE's probably overcompensation for something. . . . HAHAHAHA!" I burst out laughing leaning on the jeep. I sniffed and continued flipping through the magazine, "Yea that's probably it."

"IS NOT!" yelled Emmett while Rose giggled.

_**Step 9:**_

I ignored him crossed my legs and thought out loud again, "LIGHTBULB!" I sang out, "If he's not overcompensating for something with the car, then he must be overcompensation for something with those muscle! That's it! I am smarter than a pig eating bacon and dancing with chicken liver!" I smile to myself happy with my conclusion.

"That's a lie!" exclaimed Emmett, staring at me with confusion written all over his vampire face.

_**Step 10:**_

"I'm sure it is Emmett," I said not believing it for one bit.

"Rose! Help me out with this one!" he pleaded. Rose came out from under the car. She had on grease stained overalls and her hair tied back in a pony tail.

"You're on your own," she wiped her hands on a towel and threw it at him as she walked inside.

I laughed quietly as Emmett got more frustrated.

"Those are all lies!" he yelled turning back to me.

"That's not what Rosalie said!" I sang as. As I walked away I saw a bucket of mud on the driveway. It was just chilling there, as cool as a cucumber. No one planned for this to happen! It was purely coincidental- okay so maybe I told Paul to put it there.

I picked it up and flung the mud onto the jeep. "You missed a spot! Looks like you got caught! Cuz u ditched me with moody Edward! He reminds me of Squidward! Can't think of more rhymy words! Oh look there are birds!" I sang quickly limping my way inside.

All I have to say is, "Pwned Emmett. You just got Pwned, owned and . . . some other word that rymes with pwned. Yes! I am Fan-freakin-tabulous! Imma be the next Dr. Seuss!

**AN: Anyone interested in Twilight Role Play? Visit ****.net/myforums/MizzLotte98/2344316/ please! You won't regret it! They need a few more vamp characters and a lot of the hot wolf pack dudes! ;)**


	14. Chapter 14

I was sleeping peacefully. I was on a cloud a big fluffy white cloud that looked like a marshmallow. A unicorn duck was flying next to me. And a pony was pushed off a candy plane. I looked back at the marshmallow cloud.

"Allison," the marshmallow cloud said, "Allison!"

Mmmmhmmmm. Marshmallow cloud! You sound like Edward. I laughed and snorted. I wonder if it tastes like a marshmallow even though it sounded like Edward. I opened my mouth, and . . . bit it.

Suddenly I was woken up by a surprised yell. I opened my eyes and saw Edward staring at me with confusion. I rubbed my eyes and felt that I was still biting something. I looked down and saw that I was biting Edward's arm. I stopped biting it and looked at him.

Silence . . . wait a darn minute! What the fudge nut popsicles was he doing in my room?

I glared at him.

"I was coming to wake you up, because I think you and Bella should bond. You're the only other human that knows about us and I believe that you could be a sort of, support for her." he looked at me pleadingly . . . was that even a word. I couldn't really think straight.

"DANG IT EDWARD! DON''T DAZZLE ME! OR I WILL SHOVE YOU INTO A CAMPFIRE!" I growled at the end.

He suddenly burst out laughing. I crossed my arms and pouted. Meany. He chuckled and suddenly got very serious.

"Please! Do it for me," he pouted trying to get me to laugh. It worked, he looked like an idiot, "Great! I'll drop you off at her house in-"

He got cut off by Alice running in. "She'll be ready in 2 hours," she said smiling. My eyes widened TWO FREAKIN HOURS! I looked at Edward pleading with him to help me. He sighed and turned to Alice.

"I think that's too much Alice," they argued for a good 5 minutes before she relented and agreed with an hour. I guess that was better. Edward left my room smiling. He had won.

"Allison!" sang the evil fashion pixie pulling me into her bathroom. I rolled my eyes. Dress up time! Fun . . . not. I huffed. I took a shower and came out in a towel. Alice quickly came in. I glared.

"Stop being such a baby and sit down," she pointed to a chair in front of the large vanity mirror. As soon as I sat down she handed me a letter, "It's from your friends Lauren."

I shrugged and opened it was she fixed my hair.

_Dear Allison,_

_So I found a way to go home! I am awesome! Anyways I'm leaving! So you won't see me again. Until you find out how to get back . . . or you may not want to come back since you finally got a real family with a mom and a dad and brothers and sisters. I think it's good for you, though all of us will miss you, because some weirdo family could have adopted you. But you know this family better than your own life! They will care for you and never let anything happen to you. An adoptive family you don't even know wouldn't have been good. I know for your 17__th__ birthday coming up in July you'll get the biggest party ever! Thrown by Alice. You finally found a family! They all love you! I can tell. That's why I didn't tell you how to get home._

_You friend, and Elvis fan,_

_Lauren_

_P.S.: I approve of Paul._

_P.S.S: Happy early Birthday!_

_P.S.S.S: I don't think I'll mention any of this to anyone, cuz they'll think I'm nuts!_

Huh. I'd miss her, but she was right. I was finally in a family, and I was happy. I grinned widely.

"So what'd the note say?" asked Alice as she finished curling my hair. She didn't seem as curious as I thought she'd be. I turned toward her, squinting my eyes. Alice looked down not meeting my eyes.

"You know what it said, don't you?"

She nodded smiling slightly, "I was curious! But I'm so glad that you'll stay with us! I always wanted another sister and everyone already loves you so much! We would be shattered if you left!" she ended with a pout as her eyes glazed over, looking at their future.

"Yup, we would be shattered," she repeated, looking at me with sad wide eyes.

"Alice," I groaned, "Stop looking at me like that! I'm not leaving." She smiled widely.

"YAY!" she jumped up and down, "Oh! I already picked out your outfit it's on the bed." She skipped out giving me privacy so I could change. I rolled my eyes and looked at what she picked for me.

What the FUDGE! There was a blue strapless summer dress laid out on the bed with black heels. The dress was way too short. I looked around for my other clothes.

The pixie took them. EVIL! I was forced to come out in the ridiculously short dress or just a small towel. I put on the clothes and walked out to the living room.

"Allison! You look awesome!" Alice squealed pulling me toward the door.

"I am not going out without a jacket!" I refused to be seen practically naked. I heard Edward chuckle behind me.

"Alice just get her a jacket so we can be on our way," he said.

Alice grumbled under her breath and after less than two second came back with a a white jacket. Designer of course. I rolled my eyes and put it on.

When we got to Bella's house I remembered Charlie! hehehehe. Time for annoying more of the twilight characters! YES!

"Allison," warned Edward, "What about Charlie?" he hadn't heard my whole plan!

"Nothing. Nothing at all," I smoothed my dress as he rang the doorbell. Bella quickly opened the door and smiled at Edward. I thought her face would fall off or something.

I saw Charlie walk behind her to see who it was.

He looked at me curiously. I grinned. It's Charlie!

"It's a pleasure to meet you Chief Swan." I hugged him tightly while he stood there a bit stupefied. Edward grinned.

"Charlie, this is my new sister, Allison," he smiled, holding back a laugh.

"Oh yes, Bella mentioned you," he had an amused smile on his face and out of the corner of my eye I saw Bella blush. I looked up to Edward curiously and saw him holding back a laugh. I rolled my eyes.

"So Bella are we going to hang out in your house all day?"

"Yes, unless you'd like to go out somewhere."

"No it's fine," I grinned, "better than fine."

She looked at me curiously. I winked and turned towards Edward.

"Well you can leave now," I pushed him away from the doorway and shut the door. Charlie turned towards Bella, "I think I like this kid." She smacked his shoulder.

"I like you to Papa Swan!" I smiled and skipped upstairs pulling Bella along with me.

I looked around her room curiously and plopped down on her bed.

"So, Bella," I had my evil grin on, "I have the best thought out plan ever! Wanna help me?" I rose an eyebrow.

"Do I have a choice," she looked a bit worried.

"Not really!" I smiled widely, "We're gonna have a bit of fun with Charlie."

muahahahaha. Muahahahaha. MUAHAHAHAHAH! ;)


	15. Chapter 15

_**Step 1:**_

"Allison are you sure about this?"

"Relax Bella. If you do everything according to the plan it'll go smoothly." I held the purse of evil tightly against my side. "Keep the walkie talkie with you at all times." I threw the ones Alice got me.

"Their pink and sparkly." she stated looking at them strangely.

I shook my head, "Alice." I got out of Bella's truck and made my way into the house.

"I'm in," I whispered into the walkie talkie.

"Charlie," I said louder sitting next to him on the couch, "I have something really important to discuss with you." I kept a neutral face.

"What is it," he asked warily.

"Well,…Bella's pregnant!" I blurted out. His mouth opened and shut in shock, "But we're having trouble figuring out who the father is. I mean it _could_ be Edward, but he's always so uptight that I doubt they've done the deed yet. So maybe it's Jacob or Mike." I nodded my head pretending to consider those choices.

Charlies' face paled suddenly, his nostrils flared and he got an enraged look on his face. Oh snap, that's my queue to leave!

"Well, we'll go find out straight away and let you know, BYE!" I yelled rushing out of the house. I climbed into Bella's truck.

"How'd it go?" she asked her eyebrows pulling together.

"BELLA!" Charlie's enraged cry sounded through the woods.

"DRIVE! DRIVE! GET THIS PIECE OF CRAP ON THE HIGHWAY!"

…Allison craziness…Allison craziness…Allison craziness….

I sipped my strawberry and banana smoothie through the straw and glanced at Bella's thinking face.

"We need to really think these steps through. It has to be funny yet annoying," I nodded my head and looked at Bella. She hadn't relaxed once!

"So Bella," I started looking at her. She looked up curiously, "You're going to be sorta kinda my sister soon, because you're marrying Edward, and I think I'm entitled to know a few things."

She nodded her head slowly, trying to understand were I was leading the conversation.

"You're not marrying Edward just for the bang bang during the honey moon are you?"

She blushed and started stammering, "No". I looked at her with a straight face, but I burst out laughing.

"Bella," I said through my laugh, "I was kidding! I know you love him! Just try to loosen up, because if there are any problems I'll be right next to you trying to figure out how to fix it." I smiled and urged her to finally get the stick out her butt and have FUN!

….LIGHTBULB!

"Come on Bella!" I grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the entrance were me and Alice had sung. There was a small stage were there was karaoke! I pulled Bella along with me and climbed up. I grabbed two microphones and handed her one. Her eyes widened and stared at me in shock. "NO! Allison! I can't do this!"

I rolled my eyes, "Yes! You can. Look I picked that song you were listening to. Get all your frustration out! Think of nothing else!" I pleaded her with my eyes and she finally gave in. "I suppose you're right," she conceded. I grinned and stood by the front of the stage, if that's what you'd call it. It was so fudging small. Bella stood next to me. The song started and Bella blushed.

"I'll start," I whispered, and moved to the center stage. I swayed my hips in time with the music.

**Bella**, _Allison__**, together**_

"_I'm telling you to loosen up my buttons babe, aha, but you keep fronting, oh, saying what you gon do to me, aha, but I ain't seen nothing. I'm telling you to loosen up my buttons babe, aha, but you keep fronting, ah, saying what you gon do to me, aha, but I ain't seen nothing"_ I danced back and Bella shyly came forward to sing.

"**Typical and Hollywood type of fofo I like when the physical, don't leave me asking for more. I'm a sexy mama. That knows just how to get what I wanna. And all I wanna do is spring this on you like some of the things that I told you.**" Bella blushed and started to dance finally enjoying herself! She smiled and continued singing.

"**You been saying all the right things all night long, but I can't seem to get you over here to help take this off. Baby can't you see! How these clothes are fitting on me! And the heat coming from this beat! I'm about to blow I don't think you know!**" I joined in singing with her both of swaying our hips and smiling.

"_**I'm telling you to loosen up my buttons babe aha but you keep fronting oh saying what you gon do to me aha but I ain't seen nothing I'm telling you to loosen up my buttons babe, aha, but you keep fronting ah saying what you gon do to me, aha, but I ain't seen nothing" **_

"_You say you're a big boy but I can't agree, cuz the love you said you had aint been put on me. I wonder if I'm just too much for you. Wonder, if a kiss don't make you just wonder, what I got next for you. What you wanna do! Take a chance to recognize that this could be yours. I can see just like those guys that your game. Baby can't you see! How these clothes are fitting on me! And the heat coming from this beat! I'm about to blow I don't think you know!" _

"_**I'm telling you to loosen up my buttons babe aha but you keep fronting oh saying what you gon do to me aha but I ain't seen nothing I'm telling you to loosen up my buttons babe, aha, but you keep fronting, ah, saying what you gon do to me, aha, but I ain't seen nothing"**_

By now there was a crowd gathering around the small stage, but Bella was having way too much fun to notice. We tried to dance like the PCD danced in the video, but failed epically and laughed at ourselves when we tripped. Holy waffle cheese! I thought I saw something. I shrugged and pretending like nothing happened and continued to dance.

"**Come on baby loosen up my buttons babe,"**

"_Loosen up my buttons babe"_

"**Baby won't you loosen up my buttons babe**

"_Loosen up my buttons"_

"**Come on baby loosen up my buttons babe,"**

"_Loosen up my buttons babe"_

"**Baby won't you loosen up my buttons babe"**

"_Loosen up my buttons"_

"_**I'm telling you to loosen up my buttons babe, aha, but you keep fronting oh saying what you gon do to me, aha, but I ain't seen nothing I'm telling you to loosen up my buttons babe, aha, but you keep fronting, ah, saying what you gon do to me, aha, but I ain't seen nothing"**_

"**I'm telling you to" (**_"Oh! Oh! OOH!)_

"**loosen up my buttons babe aha"**_ ("loosen up my buttons babe!")_

"**but you keep fronting oh" **_ ("Ohohohahoh!") _

"**Saying what you gon do to me aha but I ain't seen nothing" (**_"Yaoohoohooh!")_

"**I'm telling you to loosen up my buttons babe, aha, but you keep fronting, ah, saying what you gon do to me, aha, but I ain't seen nothing"**

We laughed and bowed like freaks and finally went off stage after all the clapping wore down. Bella's face was red and had a huge smile on her face.

"WE DID IT!" she yelled giving me a hug. I think some of you saw this coming, after all she said we did it, and I always watch Dora the Explorer on nickleodean.

"lo hicimos! we did it! tatatatata! we went on stage and sung a song! we did it! WE DID IT! YAY!" I sung laughing even more. Bella was giggling when her eyes suddenly got all wide and looked really really big. I thought they were about to pop out of her head! I was panicking and thinking about what to tell Edward when that happened. That would not go so well. "Edward I'm sorry to tell you that your fiancés eyes popped out of her head today. don't worry I think you guys can work through this little problem," yea that would not work out at all!

I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned to see….alright you should know who it is. That's right the one and only…Mike Newton? What the fudgin' monkey chickens was he doing here?

"Hey," he said shyly. I looked at him like he was crazy, "That was really great back there ladies." he winked at us. Bella and I looked at each other in disgust.

"And you know what would be really great?" he asked. For you to disappear and get eaten by a chicken.

"If you came to hang out with me. I might be able to loosen up your buttons," he said suggestively. He had gone far enough. Disgusting creeps like him deserved to be eaten by polar bears and chewed on by…fish!

"OKAY YOU ARE A FREAK! WHY THE HECK WOULD YOU THINK THOSE PERVERTED LINES WOULD GET GIRLS TO GO OUT WITH YOU! NO ONE IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD EVER FALL FOR THAT PIECE OF MONKEY DUNG!"

"Allison everyone's staring," whispered Bella blushing at all the stares we were attracting.

"I DON'T CARE! MIKE NEWTON YOU ARE NOT…..A SUPERCALIFRAGELISTIC PERSON!" I slapped him across the face and pulled Bella away. Mike Newton was a creepy stalker who had a thing for anything with boobs and a skirt.

Okay maybe I overreacted just a small amount of…a lot! Good thing no one saw that.

_**Step 2:**_

"Put more pink glitter on it!" I smiled looking at our handy work, "I think we're done! Now all we have to do is put it back on his uniform without him noticing." Bella picked up the handcuff. What we had originally was a pair of boring silver handcuffs now we had one that was sparkley pink and had ribbons on it! YAY!

"I think I can do that," she said walking out of her room. She came back seconds later, "He'll be getting ready to go to the station soon. He was called in by Mark one of the deputies." she smiled.

We sat around waiting for Charlie to leave. When he did we ran to the phone. Bella dialed the number and put the phone on loudspeaker.

RING! RING! RING! Hahahaha!

"Hello," answered a bored monotone voice. SHHHHH! Everyone be quiet!

"Hello, may I speak with Chief Swan Princess of the Pink fairies please?"

"Umh, Chief swan isn't a umh princess of whatever"

"Oh but he is! Just look at his handcuffs if you don't believe me!" Bella giggled and I tried to hold in my laugh when we heard a gasp on the other side of the phone.

"umh…..," we heard the phone drop followed by a yell of 'CHIEF SWAN!' that was when we lost it and cracked up.

_**Step 3:**_

"Hey Bells, Allison," Charlie greeted tiredly when he came home from the station. Me and Bella shared a look and grabbed our invisible walkie talkies.

"We have a 937356. The suspect contacted subject A and B." I said strictly.

"Rodger that. Subject will receive punishment D39374." Bella responded, then we continued to ignore Charlie...Princess of the Pink Fairies! HAHAHAH! Okay I'm done.

"What's going on here?" he asked looking at us weirdly. I was used to it by now.

"The suspect still tries communicating with the subjects send troops to apprehend him ASAP." My face got deathly serious.

"14299 the recruits have left will arrive at the destination in 5…4…3…2…1."

The door burst open and a huge man broke in carrying Charlie on his shoulders he dropped him in the backseat of his trooper and put blindfold on him.

"Where's he going take him?" Bella asked curiously and a bit worried.

"Don't worry, he's going drive around the neighborhood and then drop him off here later." I looked towards the car driving away and saw him wave. I grinned, "Thanks Emmett!" I yelled.

_**Step 4:**_

Emmett dropped Charlie off at the house and ran off home. Bella and I made sure that we wouldn't be at the house when he was dropped off.

When Emmett left the car in the driveway I quickly got in and started the car.

"Are u sure you know how to drive?" as ked Bella. I rolled my eyes.

"DUH! I drove Edwards Volvo," I said keeping out the crashing part out. She seemed to relax after that. I sped out of the driveway and onto the street. Soon we turned onto the highway and stopped at a red light. As we were waiting guess who's car I saw! Edward's! Hehehe.

"Allison, I don't think that whatever it is you're thinking is a good idea."

"Bella, put on your seatbelt." I revved the engine and saw Edward glance at the car and back to the front. His eyes widened and looked back at us again. The light turned green and Edward began driving. I turned on the siren and lights and followed Edward. When he was about to stop I sped up. Therefore if he stopped we would crash into him. GENIUS! I know.

"Allison! There are more police cars behind us!" I looked in the rear view mirror and saw the red and blue flashing lights…..high speed chase! Sweet! I've always wanted to be in one of those.

Suddenly the walkie talkie crackled, "In pursuit of a silver Volvo C13 on the highway 29." Then we saw a potlight landing on Edwards car. It was a frickin helicopter with a camera!

Oh snap!

"Bella! We're gonna be on tv!"


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

"Oh god! ohgodohgod," Bella kept muttering while glancing around with wide frightened eyes.

"Relax, Bella. I know exactly what I'm doing," I assured her, though I had completely no idea what to do now.

"Dang it! Charlie is definitely going to find out about this!" she kept throwing frantic glances at the back of Edward's Volvo and at the helicopter that kept following us. I felt bad that I was causing Bella to panic so much. I had to figure out a way to not get caught.

"LIGHTBULB!" I had a perfect idea that would get Bella and me out of this tiny little problem. Unfortunately Edward was on his own. Poor kid. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Suddenly I saw another police cruiser gain up to Edward.

Oh snap! :O A loud voice spoke threw the load sirens.

"Pull the vehicle over and step out of the car with your hands up!" Clearly the police thought that Bella and me were real police and that Edward was the criminal. I decided that this was the time for me to act out my plan.

"Bella put on your seatbelt!" I swerved the car off of the road into a small opening in the woods. I drove as far as we could into the deep undergrowth.

As soon as the car came to a stop I threw open the door, "Bella get out hurry!" I grabbed her hand and pulled her into the trees, carefully avoiding going over branches. It would do no good if Bella tripped right now.

We ran far in and then I called Emmett.

*-**-_(space thingy showing that time passed cuz idk how to do it)_-***

It was a normal day at casa de Cullen. Emmett was on his Xbox beating Jasper while I laughed my bum off on the coach. Jasper was losing epically. Bella had been dragged away by Alice to look at tablecloths or some chizz. Esme was in the kitchen making me another banana cream pie cuz dummy Paul ate the two that she made earlier. Hmph. I was still mad at him so I made him go sit in the corner with a dunce cap. Meany, eating my pie.

The front door slammed shut, and Alice came in dragging Bella along. Edward stalked in with an angry look on his face. I was wondering were he was. We hadn't seen him in 2 days, but Alice assured us that he was fine.

"Allison," he said in an eerily calm voice. I was in big trouble. The meany vampire was mad at me!

Paul quickly got in front of me in a defensive position, growling. I hit him on the head.

"Edwards not going to hurt me, just probably give me a lecture on how dangerous that was. Not just for me, but for Bella as well. Then he'd start whining about where he had been stuck all this time and blame me. Yada yada yada. Nothing I haven't heard before," I rolled my eyes.

Alice burst out laughing, "Oh wow. That was exactly what he was going to do!"

Edward grumbled and went to hug Bella. Paul sat on the coach and since he took my seat I sat on his lap. He was comfier than the coach anyways.

"You're not mad at me?" Bella asked unsurely staring at the floor.

"Bella," I said, "Edward wouldn't be mad at you even if u stranded him naked in school, which would be really funny." I grinned.

Emmett burst out laughing along with Jasper.

"I would never do that!" Bella exclaimed hugging Edward tightly.

"Yea I know," I frowned, "Too bad." I shrugged and hugged Paul. He was really comfy. He could be my new pillow! I accidently threw mine at Emmett and he made it explode by strangling it. Poo. I really liked that pillow. "So Edward where have you been?" I asked.

He sighed and sat next to Bella on the love seat.

"After you and Bella disappeared I could finally stop my car, but then the police had already surrounded me. And if I went running to find you guys they would surely shoot me. How would I explain that I'm bullet proof? So they ended up arresting me. Then I asked why they were arresting me and the said I was over the speed limit." He gave an incredulous look.

"Yay! They found my note!" everyone looked at me questioningly. "I left a note saying that Edward was going over the speed limit and to give him a ticket, but I never said for them to arrest you." I laughed. He groaned and pinched the ridge of his nose.

"Allison I love you! Your are hilarious and Eddie here has the best reactions to your pranks!" Emmet yelled grinning.

"Aww! Thanks Emmie!" I smiled wide. He laughed and shook his head.

Alice stopped mid laugh and gasped, "Oh. The Volturi are coming. It's a bit fuzzy, but they saw some…helicopter footage of Edward?" she sounded confused.

"Oh yea! Was there footage of me? I was the first police cruiser that was following him!"

"Allison didn't you just hear? The Volturi are coming! This could be dangerous!" Esme exclaimed worried.

"Relax, there's a perfectly good explanation I could give them! Since I'm dating Paul, who is a werewolf, he had to tell me his imprint about werewolves!" I looked at them smiling, "See! Simple. And you guy were suppose to be smarter than me," I shook my head.

Alice smiled, "That explanation works, but they will be here soon."

Hmm. That didn't give me much time. How to annoy the volturi? Oh yes! LIGHTBULB! muahahaha! Muahahahah! MUAHAHAHAHAH!


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

**_Step1:_**

"They will be here in about…now," Alice leapt off the floor and went to answer the door. Everyone in the living room stood up to greet the visiting vamps. Puhlease. I bet they'd expect me to be a bit scared or something. Yea right.

I saw Aro, Marcus and Caius slowly step into the room. A few from their guard stayed outside the house cautiously looking around. I got off of Paul's comfy lap and pulled him up with me. He was trying to take defensive pose in front of me and I could feel how tense he was form his tight grip on my hand.

"Paul take a chill pill! I'm going to be fine," I stepped up on my tippy toes to give him a kiss. He relaxed a little bit but held his protective stance. I rolled my eyes and stepped forward to the Volturi.

"Heey," I grinned and looked at all of them closely, squinting. Hmmmmmm.

"Esme, who is this…strange person," Aro asked.

"My apologies. Allow me to introduce Allison, she is a new addition to our family," Esme kept a calm, stoic face, but I totally knew she was slightly nervous. I know my Mama Cullen well, thank you. Aro held out his hand for Esme to take and she did, reluctantly.

"Ah! I see. She is that young shape shifters imprint," said Aro completely at ease.

"But how can you stand to be so close to the stench of those creatures! They are also our kinds fatal enemy!" yelled grumpy Caius.

"Jeez what's got your granny panties in a twist? Are you going through male menopause or something! And Paul smells perfectly fine!" I scowled at the annoying vamps.

All the Cullen's were trying to hold in their laughter, but Emmett being Emmett, burst out laughing. Caius got a really scary look on his face. It was the scariest thing in the fricking world. I leaned back against Paul and put on my pouty face. Suddenly the whole family was standing protectively in front of me. Bella was pushed back behind them as well. She looked slightly worried and when she looked at me I shrugged.

"Guys," I started pushing my way into the front of the crowd. Paul tried holding me back but I just pulled him with me.

"I appreciate all the love, but come on we have guests!" I gestured to the Volturi and as I was about to pull my arm back Aro quickly grabbed onto my hand.

"AAAAAHHHHH!" I yelled completely freaked out, "MIND RAPE! HELP ME! MIND RAPIST GET AWAY FROM ME!"

**_Step 2:_**

Things had calmed down a bit after that. I was still a little shaken up about the mind rape. Ugh. I got shivers every time I thought about it. I mean, it was fine when Edward read my mind because he wouldn't be able to see every single thought, but Aro saw _everything_. He had apologized about a billion kajillion times and I heard him muttering about a childish mind. I have absolutely no idea how he came up with such a ridiculous thought about me. I was currently cuddled up with Paul, my favorite unicorn blankey covering us. There is nothing childish about a unicorn blankey! Anyways, I was thinking about my REVENGE! Nobody mind rapes me and gets away with it.

"I sense a very crazy plan brewing in that evil mind of yours," Paul smiled and kissed my forehead.

"Of course!" I smiled, "They have no idea what is going to happen to them," I pulled out the purse of evil from behind the couch.

"That wasn't there before."

"I have my ways Paul. I have my ways….," I trailed off.

******

After a small stop in bath and body works, Paul and I headed home. I was going to start out small in my plans. The Volturi where going to be staying with us for the whole day, because according to the party poopers, I need a strict person to keep me under control. Yea right.

We arrived back at the house were Esme was playing hostess to the old vampires. I had left my camera on the coffee table and had bought a cute little remote that controlled it!

"I'm home!" I ran into the living room dragging Paul behind me. I reached into my bag and pulled out some lotion. "So Aro. I noticed that your skin is papery looking and it seems a bit dry to me. Sooooo. TADA!" I showed them the lotion I had gotten.

"It is very effective on old people! And I thought the name of the lotion would be ironic. I mean who names a lotion Bitten by Vampires? But anyways, it's for your freaky pale and dry skin. So you won't freak anyone else out." I handed it to Aro.

"We are not that old," Marcus said in an _old people_ voice. I rolled my eyes.

"Sure thing grandpa," I said.

**_Step 3:_**

"Are you sure they are outside?" I asked again.

"They are on the porch in the shade but the sun is out. You should be good," Paul readjusted the camera and yelled, "ACTION!"

I ran into the sunlight covered in so much glitter, it put Ke$ha to shame, "Look at me! I'm sparkley! YEA!" I ran in circles and fell in a lifeless heap in the floor.

"Is she alright?" asked Aro getting closer. Quickly I squirted him with glitter glue, "Now you're even more sparkly!"

**_Step 4:_**

Caius was sitting in the kitchen, fascinated by all the food Esme was cooking and asking stupid questions. I heard him ask why they had to make the milk cold in the fridge. Come on that was just stupid.

I walked in and stood in front of him with a wide smile.

"What," he asked in a very nasty voice. I opened my mouth and took a deep breath.

"I know something you don't know! I know something your don't know!" I kept singing. After a while he asked, "What is it?" I looked at him in confusion.

"I don't know. I thought you knew."

**_Step 5:_**

"This is the song that goes on forever. This is the song that never ends. This is the song that goes on forever and this is how it goes! This is the song that goes on forever. This is the song that never ends. This is the song that goes on forever and this is how it goes! This is the song that-"

"WHY ME!" yelled Aro. I had been singing my favorite song for over an hour and at first he pretended not to hear me. The he got slightly irritated. And now he had finally had enough.

I turned around and had my serious face on.

"Because you're damned and God hates you."

**_Step 6:_**

This was going to be way to easy. I had my camera on my hat. It was an adventure hat! I was dressed in camouflage clothing. I looked super awesome. The Volturi were still outside with Esme and now it was cloudy. As soon as Esme went inside for something I jumped into the bushes and turned on the camera. I put on my best Australian accent. Like the dude that was always on the discovery channel but then an eel killed him. RIP Australian dude.

"Crikey! These are old vampires in their natural habitat. Notice the very dry and pale skin and the weird creepy eyes. Searching for an innocent victim." Caius turned toward were I was and glared, "oh wait they spotted me….and they don't look happy.."

*****time passed…~('-')~…time passed*****

Now for as long as the Volturi have been here, I have noticed something…they are meanys and don't know how to have any fun. So Paul and I would gladly show them how to loosen up.….well mostly just me. Paul had to run patrol last night so he was super tired. Poor Paul…I should make him a pie! YEA! so when he wakes up I'll go over to his house and give him the pie and he'll say 'thanks Allison you are the best girlfriend a silly wolf like me could ever have. I love you and this amazing pie you made just for me' and then I'll be like 'oh it's no biggie, but u gotta share the pie' it would be the bestest thing ever! Now I just have to learn how to make a pie. Think, think, think…

"Allison what the hell is up with your face?"

I looked up and glared at Emmett, "It's my thinking face! Gosh!"

"Well what are you thinking about so hard that it looks like you need a bathroom?" he laughed.

I scowled, "I have to learn how to make a pie."

"I know how to make pies!" he grinned.

"YAY! Can you teach me how? I want to make a pie for Paul so he'll know that he's a silly wolf that needs to share pie with me!" I smiled widely.

"Umh…I don't understand exactly what you mean by that, but sure I'll teach you!"

AWESOME! This would be the best pie in the whole entire big wide world! It would be so fantazing (that's fantastic and amazing) that it could rule the world! PERFECT! MUAHAHAHAH! cough. splutter. ugh my throat.

**AN: Some of you have told me that there are lists for annoying the cullens that have these steps just not as descriptive. so I wanted to say that some of these are NOT mine. I have no idea who came up with them, but they are awesome! XD **

**Also….Didn't take as long as last time! :D yay! and tomorrows my birthday and I have to start my homework for A.P. classes :/ booooo! so I'll take a bit longer to upload another chapter, but I'll try really super duper hard to not take a month.**** review if u wanna see Emmett with a pink apron and messing up Esme's kitchen! 3**


	18. Chapter 18

[̲̅A̅] [̲̅L] [̲̅L] [̲I̲̅] [̲̅S̲̅] [̲̅O̲̅] [̲̅N̲̅]

Chapter 18

"Why would anyone eat that?"

"I don't know! You're human, ask yourself!"

"I meant in a pie! There is no way that anyone eats that!"

"YAHA! I saw it on tv."

"Well what do you want me to do?"

He looked around the kitchen and gave me a sack of flour and eggs. "Here. Mix these together…and some of this too." he handed me a bag of potato chips. Then he cleaned his hands on his *cough* pink *cough* apron…I wondered about that boy sometimes…

"It'll make the crust more crunchy."

"Are you sure you know how to do this?" I asked for the 10th time.

"YES! Now hurry up and get it done!"

I put down a bowl on the counter and put in the flour, the eggs, and chips. Take in account that I have never in my life cooked or seen someone cook. I tried breaking the eggs shell in half, but it kept getting in the way so I just added it in. It would make it crunchier I guess.

I looked at Emmett and saw that he had added carrots and an apple to the pie filling he made. He stuffed everything into the blender next to him.

"I'm pretty sure that does not go in there Emmett!"

"You're right….It needs gummy bears!"

"Now I really think that you don't know what you're doing!"

"Relax! I've cooked once before."

"Once! Geez Esme is going to kill you!"

"Look! It's working!"

I looked at the blender with all the pie ingredients.

"Yup, it's definitely blending." I looked in disgust at all the ingredients he had used. Suddenly we heard a whiring noise coming from the blender. We got closer to it.

"You think its okay?" I asked

"I don't know get closer and check!" he pushed me forward.

Suddenly the whole blender exploded. On. My. Face.

I stood still covered in all the goo that Emmett had mixed together. I was angry. We had spent over 3 hours trying to make this. I slowly lifted my hands to take the goo off of my eyes. I glared at Emmett, so hard that my eye started twitching!

"Umh….I think we're really close to being done.." he said in a small voice.

"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!"

Emmett and I turned towards Esme. I lowered my head and pointed to Emmett.

"He lied and said he knew how to make pies!"

"I do know how to make pies!" he yelled pouting.

"Sweetie the only pies Emmett knows how to make are mud pies after it has rained," she said sympathetically.

I held back a laugh at Emmett's' face.

"Why did u want to make a pie dear?"

"Cuz I thought Paul would like a pie after working so hard to protect our little town from anyone hurting us." I gave her my big sad puppy dog face, "And Emmett said that he would help me, but….now I don't know what to do," I made my lip quiver and my eyes began getting all watery.

"Oh honey, I'll help you make pies." She smiled and put her arm around me, "Emmett I want the mess in the kitchen cleaned up in 5 minutes," she said sternly. She walked away and I grinned at Emmett who was looking at me in shock.

"You should help too! You made the mess with the flour and eggs!"

Knowing that Esme was listening I made my voice all sad again, "But Emmie Bear I need to shower and get the goo off, I really want to make that pie for Paul," I made my breath hitch, "I thought…..you would understand."

"EMMETT! STOP BOTHERING ALLISON AND FINISH CLEANING MY KITCHEN!" yelled Esme from the second floor.

I grinned again and went up to my room. Hehehe.

After Emmett finished cleaning the slop he called a pie, Esme and I walked into the kitchen. I had customized my apron to say kiss the human and had sparkles on the letters. It looked awesome if I do say so myself. I looked amazing. See I'm sooooo modest. :P

"Umh sweetie, you might want to-" I cut her off as she came closer.

"Esme! I wanna do it on my own!" I went back to it. It looked…beautiful. Finally made my pie! YAY! Paul would love it. I quickly washed up and got dressed in the prettiest summer dress ever, It had light blue flowers on it, and I slipped on white ballet flats. I looked in the mirror….my eye twitched. DARN IT! Stupid Emmett. I scowled and then called Jake to pick me up. I don't think anyone would notice my eye.

"Hello," he answered clearly eating by the muffled tone.

"Jake can you pick me up and take me to the reservation?" I asked sweetly.

"No can do I'm busy eating," he said and took another bite of whatever it was he was eating.

"I have pie," I said, straightforward. -_-

"I'll be right over!" he yelled and hung up quickly. I rolled my eyes and went downstairs to get the pie.

As soon as I got close to the door Jake was there staring at the box in my hand in awe.

"Is," he gulped loudly, "that the pie?" his eyes were wide and I'm pretty sure I saw drool. Ew.

"First lets get to the reservation and I'll give u a big slice!" I smiled widely and he quickly ushered me into the car. I would give Jake half the pie and Paul the other half. See, I'm a thinker!

The car ride was boring so I decided to put some awesome music on. And since Jake absolutely loves my singing and dancing well….i was gonna rock out to it! XD

I nodded my head to music and sang, "And it goes like this….. Take me by the tongue and I'll know you. Kiss me till you're drunk and I'll show you. You want the moves like Jagger. I've got the moves like Jagger. I've got the mooooooves... like Jagger. I don't need to try to control you!" I pointed to my eyes, "Look into my eyes and I'll own you. With them the moves like Jagger. I've got the moves like Jagger. I've got the mooooooves... like Jagger!"

"Thank god! We're here!" He quickly jumped out of the car.

"I thought you loved my singing?" I gave him my puppy dog eyes. I seem to be using that face a lot. He squinted his eyes and looked away.

"You are a cruel cruel person," he said looking in the opposite direction. I laughed loudly holding onto the pie in one hand.

"ALLISON!" yelled one of my favorite wolves out there.

"PAUL!" I hugged him as tight as I could. Poo,I had missed him too much. Stupid Paul, making me miss him, "I made a pie for you!" I smiled widely, super duper proud of it.

"YES! I am starving!" He reached for the box and I snatched it away from him.

"You have to share it with Jake, unfortunately," I said. Jake grinned coming up next to Paul, "I made this just for you guys!" I smiled and opened the box up.

"Umh…thts a pie?" whispered Jake. Paul nudged him in the ribs.

"What are you talking about it's the best one in the world! I made it all by myself!"

"That explains it," whispered Jake again.

"WHATS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!" I yelled stomping my foot and putting my hand on my hip.

"Allison calm down," Paul placed his hands on my shoulders, "It's just….different than most regular pies."

"Well duh! Most REGULAR pies are boring circles, this one is an awesomely epic squiggle pie! Look it even has chocolate pretzels! Your favorite! And it's a rainbow pie! There are colors everywhere! Who doesn't love rainbows? You'll eat it won't you Paul?"

"Umh….I…..well…yea….i will?" he looked confused but took the pie box from my hand. I smiled lovingly at him.

"HAHAHA! tough luck man, oh the power of the imprint," laughed Jake loudly, "I wouldn't eat that even if I was starving with no other food for miles! HAHAHA!" Paul pushed him into the mud….Meany Jake, who in their right minds would turn down a sguiggle rainbow pie? I sure as heck wouldn't.


	19. Chapter 19

**AN: I'm soo super dee duper sorry it's taken forever to upload a new chapter. I've been really busy! :D hope you're all having a good life cuz mine is just filled with tests, homework, and no social life! enjoy!**

_**Chapter 19**_

It was a dark and stormy night. I think it was Monday….maybe it was Saturday…..well that doesn't even matter it was just some day in the week and it was dark and stormy. I sat curled up in the corner of my room. I couldn't believe what the Cullens had done.

They took away my ice cream….

"Allison, sweetie," Esme began, slowly entering my room. I interrupted her and ran up to her face.

"LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME WOMAN!" I yelled my eyes wide and my hands shaking wildly, "I'M SHAKING HARDER THAN A CRACKHEAD!" I had gotten sick and had been banished to my room for a whole week. When I was getting better I started eating some ice cream and well, I got sick again. Then they took my life away from me. Well that's a wrong way of wording things when you live in a house full of vampires. But the point was that I needed my ice cream.

"I'm sorry honey," Esme said and walked out again, leaving a glass of water on my bedside table. I wrapped my arms around myself. Ice cream. I had to get some. Any normal person had an addiction to some type of food. Maybe it was chocolate, pie, soda, but whatever it was you couldn't just take it away! I wondered for a brief moment if they had ice crem patches. They had nicotine patches maybe they'd have something for this too.

Also, being without ice cream was making my slightly crazy. I've never been crazy before but I'm pretty sure I was now. I was convinced there were monsters under my bed and I couldn't go to sleep without someone singing a Hannah Montana song and turning on my lava lamp. Because everyone knows that monsters hate Hannah Montana and they especially hate lava lamps.

I had tried getting some before but the Cullens were smart, they now kept watch when the rest went hunting. I just had to create a distraction…..hmmmm…LIGHTBULB! I smiled my evily smile and quickly opened my bedroom window.

"AAAAAAAHHHH!" I yelled through my sore throat.

"What's going on?" Emmett burst in eyes wide. This was going to be too easy. Whoever thought of putting Emmett in charge of me for today was off their rocker. Rocking chairs. They were my favorite type of chair. They look like chairs with a secret and taunt you to sit on them, and then WEEEEEEEEEEEEE! they lean back…..wait what was I talking about. Oh yea Emmett. Hehehe. I widened my eyes.

"There's something out in the woods! Their eyes were staring at me!" I whimpered. He quickly rushed out my door.

"Stay here," he said seriously, "I'll get it." As soon as I saw him disappear through the trees I grabbed my paintball gun from under my bed and ran downstairs. I took the ice cream from the freezer and a huge spoon, and ran back to my room. As I passed the front door to go upstairs it banged against the wall and there stood all the Cullens. I held the ice cream tightly to my chest.

"STAY BACK! I'M NOT AFRAID TO USE THIS!" I pointed the paint ball gun towards all of them.

"Allison, you tricked me," Emmett said with big puppy dog eyes.

"I'm sorry," I whispered slightly lowering my paintball gun.

"GRAB HER!" yelled Emmett. I lay baffled on the floor when Rosalie tackled me.

"You tricked me!" I gaped.

"Allison, you have a problem," Alice said shaking her head, "we need to stage an intervention." I answered with the only thing I could think of at the moment.

"I don't know you like that."

I stood in front of the Cullens, Charlie, Jessica, Angela, Bella, Jacob, Paul and the rest of the wolf pack….haha one man wolf pack. I have got to stop watching the Hangover. I cleared my throat and turned toward everyone.

"Hi, my name is Allison," I said.

"Hello Allison," Everyone chorused.

"Well, I've been free of the influence of ice cream for about 3 weeks now," I smiled as they all clapped, "and I hope to stay like this. If ever I encounter ice cream I will have the strength and resistance to not even get one tiny bit of it."

"I brought some cake for the party!" yelled Mike as he walked in through the front door. Who the double fudge chocolate brownie invited this idio-wait a minute…..ice cream cake.

I looked at everyone in the room slowly and saw them all looking at me slowly too….They were counting on me they were-oh who the peanut butter am I fooling. I made a run for it. The vamps would never run super fast in front of the muggles. I jumped in front of Mike and snatched the ice cream cake from his hands, quickly digging my hands into the cake and stuffing my face with ice cream.

"WITS FO MOUOOD," I tried speaking through the ice cream. It had been far too long. I saw everyone around me shaking their heads.

"Don't fix what isn't broken," I shrugged, still eating the ice cream cake. I turned towards Mike and pushed him to the door, "DON'T LET THE DOOR HIT YA WHERE THE GOOD LORD SPLIT YA!" Too much tv was getting to me.

Now all I had to do was get revenge on Rosalie for tackling.


End file.
